Letter to my children: A Life Skill List

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Dragon, you ask us, “What do you talk about on your dates?”

Bean, you implore us, “Momma, no! Stay home with us! Don’t go out!”

“Can’t my loves, we need some time just the two of us. If it makes you feel better - usually we end up talking about you.”

“Really?” Wide happy faces.

Really, my beloveds, really.

Recently, we talked about which life skills we would like to have before you leave the parental nest. In no particular order of importance, heft, intellectual intelligence, or emotional gravitas - we would like you to leave our house with these abilities in your emotional pockets.

  • Be kind.

  • Admit and take responsibility for making mistakes.

  • Say you are sorry.

  • Know it is okay to be vulnerable.

  • Have fun! Your fun is contagious - watch the joy ripples spread.

  • Balance your checkbook biweekly.

  • Make annual budget projections and stick to them.

  • Don’t EVER take on credit card debt.

  • Understand compound interest (see above).

  • Grok why 401k matching by employers rocks.

  • Follow through.

  • Finish what you start.

  • Show up.

  • Understand that she who travels fast travels alone - but she who travels far travels in a group.

  • Make your own decisions (conversely - know what it feels like to give your power away so you can watch for that).

  • Recognize when you are taken over by the Cranky Monster.

  • Be able to self-calm, self-manage, self-sooth and listen to the Voice of The Good.

  • Choose a community/friends/partner that brings you joy and feeds you.

  • Know you are enough.

  • Be able to do the four processes of math in your head.

  • Know where the work “defenestrate” comes from (ditto “pulchritudinous” and “lacrimation”) - your father doesn’t care about this one, your mother does.

  • Converse in another language (or two).

  • Write your ideas and thoughts so they are understood by your audience.

  • Be curious.

  • Be adventurous.

  • Know where your food comes from.

  • Love Mother Earth. Protect and speak for her.

  • Understand that life is both/and not either/or.

  • Be grateful, no matter what.

  • Understand why civil engagement is key in a healthy society.

  • Volunteer.

  • Be of service. Or, as Winkie would say, “be useful.”

  • Certain “rules” are the inventions of humans. (wear a flag pin if you are a politician, keep your elbows off the tables, American men don’t wear skirts, etc).

  • Certain rules are Universe laws. “Don’t lie. Otherwise the Universe gets confused about whether to listen to your heart or your mouth.” “What you put out into the Universe returns to you from the Universe/Law of Attraction.” “Love and do what you will.” “Treat others as you want to be treated.”*

  • Know how to eat with chopsticks.

  • Be brave.

  • Revel in the glory of a sweat, burning muscles, and body fatigue.

  • Do not be squeamish about bodily functions (yours or anyone else’s).

  • Know when to give consent and when to use your big voice.

  • Enjoy your body.

  • Be safe.

  • Know how to use a knife properly to chop vegetables and know how to feed yourself beyond canned beans on toast.

  • Understand the difference between addiction and enjoyment.

  • Read. Read More. Read Often.

Unless you want to make your living as an plumber, an electrician, an engineer, a lawyer, an astronaut, a mechanic, a doctor, or any specialized field that calls for advanced degrees or technical training of one sort or another - these life skills will serve you well in any endeavor. (and I would argue are 70% of functioning in a specialized field as well).

Bean and Dragon, you have both been adored and wanted since before you were on this planet. Your father and I dreamed of you, waited for you, and loved you before you even arrived as flesh and bone. There is nothing you could ever do or say to change that now - or ever. Our fishes are with your fishes - belly to belly, nose to nose, heart to heart.

We are our parents. We love you. Now and now and now

and forevermore.

* Totally unprompted we had this interaction a bit ago where your, at times, choleric momma, stopped thinking and killed a fly distracting you two during circle time. You two were incensed. INCENSED. “Momma you broke the rule!”

Calm down Corinna, breath. Own this mistake, breathe. Breathe again. My shoulders dropped. “What rule is that?”

“You can’t hurt an animal unless it’s hurts you first”

“Woof, that is a pretty good rule. You are right. I am super sorry.”