Letter to my children: Facetime and Fishes

Dearest Beloveds,

I am so grateful I am doing my time away from home in a world prepared by Covid to live online. Yoga classes, Facetime, therapy appointments, healings with Rob Wergin - all are accessible from my chair in my princess tower.

I am happy to be seeing you regularly (even if only in 2 dimensions) because I am hoping that way when I am home I won’t be as shocked by your 6 weeks of growth. That satisfies some parts of me that are missing you - but not all of the parts.

Thankfully, Bean, you taught me about the fishes that live in our bellies. You must have been 2-3ish. One day you declared you had a red fish living in your belly.

“Does Momma have one too?”

“Of course!”

“Is mine red too?”

“No, yours is purple!”

“What does the fish do in your belly?”

“It visits your fish."

I remember feeling a rush of love and awe.

“Why does it visit my fish?”

“When it wants to be close to you.”

“Does that mean my fish can visit yours when I want to be close to you?”

“Of course!”

“Does your Dadda have a fish too?”

“Yes! He has a black one.”

Over the years the fishes have changed colors and gained and lost sparkles. I am happy to report that Dragon has one too.

The guidelines seem to be the same regardless of color or size. I send you my fish when I want to be close to you and you send me yours.

Not quite the same as feeling the weight of your body on top of me, soft cheeks, and sweet kisses - but delightful and important nonetheless.

Thank you Bean, for teaching our family about Fishes. One never knows the circumstances to which such genius can be applied.