The Vault

The Vault

The best advice I received (in addition to “take more pictures than you think is sane” and “get as much help as you can afford”) when we became new parents was about The Vault. The Vault is the place where all thoughts, words, and deeds that happen when you are insane with fatigue - that is where they live.

The door of The Vault is sealed with your faith. Faith in the choices you made when you were still a human capable of decision making and empathy towards yourself and your fellow man. All thoughts or discussions of a snarky, less than helpful nature go into The Vault. The “why didn’t you buy more diapers before the store closed and now we are all covered in poop you idiot,” or the “I don’t know if she is crying because I ate chocolate, we all ate the damn chocolate,” or the cranky 3 am snipe fest “fine, you show me how to swaddle this baby so she doesn’t stab herself in the eye with her talon nails,” all of that and more goes into The Vault. And it all stays there. Never to be thought or dragged up again the next morning/day/week. The strength of The Vault is trusting, nay knowing, that a part of you, the sane part, the part that once slept and didn’t cry at commercials, really wanted this baby/marriage/life circumstance.

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Letter to my children - our wall of white privilege

Letter to my children - our wall of white privilege

Dearest beloveds, what a glorious time to be alive. I am going to continue to talk to you about today about what I have been talking about all week.

On our wall we have framed pieces of lace from Great-Grandmother’s many boxes of linen bequeathed to me over the years. Nearly every holiday gathering Baba’s family would do a distribution.

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ACIM Review V vs the media frenzy in my head

This morning we were on our walk and I was sharing an article I read to W. The article is about the American scientists who have graduated from the CDC Epidemic Intelligent Service and the role these experts have played (or not) in our recent societal adventure. For weeks we have been discussing where the leaders are on what has been happening, what the plan is, how crazy this all is (here is my favorite take on that particular rabbit hole). Then I dip into some theories about the Gates Foundation, the WHO, microchipping, and mandatory vaccines. The frenzy in my head gets louder and louder - then I read my ACIM for today.

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Letter for my children: Face Masks and Bicycles

Letter for my children: Face Masks and Bicycles

Today is day 48 of our staying at home. Holy Bajooley children.

Not surprisingly after 48 days, we have found our routine - and honestly I think you two have never been happier. Partly due to the home projects that have been plentiful this Spring, mostly due to the abundance of parental time and attention that has been showered onto you both.

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How do you hold a pencil?

How do you hold a pencil?

I have been writing for 30+ years and never thought about how I hold a pencil, until now. I hold my pencil like I am about to punch the paper. Like I am about to pull back a shower curtain and stab Janet Leigh. Somehow I managed to be an English Major in college and write a very long dissertation in grad school - all while strangling my pen - thumb tucked under my pointer finger.

According to the handwriting books I am reading in preparation to teach my almost 6 year old, I hold my pencil incorrectly.*

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Your future is now

Ataraxia is defined as equanimity, tranquility, “unperturbedness”. During my Amrit Vela Dr. Joe Dispenza meditation time I received a very obvious and yet transformational insight as to how to maintain and hold on to ataraxia. Here it is.

Your future is now.

I am sure I have heard that a million times somewhere … but it is my turn to unpack this nugget.

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I got this - You got this - We got this - Thank you Rob Wergin

I got this - You got this - We got this - Thank you Rob Wergin

When you go and see Rob Wergin in person, an experience I highly recommend, he gives you two bottles of water. A big bottle of water to put in your drinking water (like the water of John of God) and a small bottle of water to use in the bathtub and to spritz around your energy field. My children call that “God Water.”

So, God Water, so dubbed “Energetically Charged Water”, on Rob’s website - one of those glorious moments in life when the analytic brain second guesses and tries to invalidate one’e one experience.

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Good Night Darling - Letters to my children

Bedtime is honestly one of the best things ever (with the always parenting caveat of well rested and not hungry).

First everyone is in our huge bath with a few drops of Rob Wergin’s charged water. “Momma, did you put in God water?” The Bean is bright red from her waist down because the water is so so hot.

“God Water?” The Dragon sits on the edge of the tub until he feels ready to come down.

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Conspiracy vs Fuckup - thank you Dad

Conspiracy vs Fuckup - thank you Dad

My amazing father, whose memory now darts in and out of the conversations like a hummingbird, had a saying when he worked for the Federal Government. He spent his whole life after law school nudging the tail of the elephant to do good as a bureaucrat in the Executive Branch. One of his colleagues shared his saying with my sister and me when we became old enough, namely:

“Given a choice between a conspiracy and a fuckup, always choose a fuckup.”

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Labels, Boxes, and Stories ... Oh My!

Labels, Boxes, and Stories ... Oh My!

The Dragon is learning to name everything. All day, “Momma, wha dat?” and he points. People and machines mostly, he is not asking about plants or the clouds. He is learning to name because we that is the way our language functions. He is learning to name because he is separating himself as an autonomous human being and giving shape to his personality through language.

In order to name something you are placing a label upon it - a label that can often morph into a box shored up with accompanying stories. This is a glass. A glass is to drink liquid out of us, usually they are fragile.

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Parenting - Watching the Pain Body emerge

Eckhart Tolle speaks of the Pain Body and being born with such and how childhood tantrums can be a result of the emotional body of the child growing into its Pain Body. Rudolf Steiner speaks of the 6 year transition as a formative one for children as a time of separation and independence - hallmarked often by rebellion and lashing out.

As with all things, I think these are actually the same things.

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