On This Miraculous Planet, On Real Food, On Union with all that is
What is obvious to one person is totally not obvious to someone else. I think that is what is implied when people say that common sense is not so common. So this to me is common sense. Our country has a prison-industrial complex and this is a terrible thing.
Read MoreYes, there are bunch of really great mommy blogs out there (reminds me of the word Femivore, ie not sure I like it). This is not going to become a Mommy Blog. Yet, it might be nice to have those of you who have been with me on this crazy health road to share in my miracle doings. It is also nice to realize modern medicine does both Bone Marrow Transplants and freezes petri dish embryos so that they can become people 8 years later.
Read More“I had a dream that I am supposed to carry your baby. I want to be your surrogate.”
“No you don’t. You are crazy.”
Katie and I have that kind of friendship. Eight years ago we were thrown together in a unfamiliar Midwest town for our husbands’ surgical residency training - and we created our own family.
What started out as regular Sunday dinners and movie nights morphed into Katie driving me home from medical procedures. Her two-year-old son would jump on the trampoline at summer BBQs - the trampoline I had purchased to detoxify my lymphatic system.
A few years, three frozen embryos, and several biopsy scars later that same son turned to me one Super Bowl Party, “Corinna, put your hair back on, you look better with it on.”
His father, mortified, turns to me, “He didn’t mean that, he doesn’t understand.”
“No, it is a good point, I am a bit of a egghead - especially without any eyebrows.”
My husband’s birthday one year happened to occur when I was still in quarantine on the Bone Marrow Transplant Floor. Katie and her family were the only friends we invited.
We finished our residency. Katie and her family returned to the West Coast and we returned East. A new biopsy scar in my armpit joined the ones on my neck and I said goodbye to my hair again. I also said goodbye to waddling and complaining of swollen ankles, to cute shirts over leggings, to resting a glass of carrot juice on my belly and watching it dance with hiccups. Goodbye to being kicked from the inside. Goodbye to George kissing my belly with paternal pride. We read pamphlets filled with pictures of the Gerber baby and saved money for a surrogate.
In February, just when we are ready to sign a surrogacy contract, Katie called me. I was not able to talk her out of her extraordinary offer.
Later that year, the doctor placed one embryo we had frozen 6 years ago into Katie’s uterus. She gave herself daily shots, made appointments for acupuncture because she knew I wanted it, stopped exercising, educated her children about momma cells and pappa cells coming together, and prayed with her priest.
The day we came home from the implantation at the clinic Katie’s 5-year-old daughter ran up to her momma laying on the couch, leaned over, and kissed Katie’s belly, “Grow baby grow. Grow baby grow.”
During our husband’s training, our friendship became familial. We are adding complexity and depth to that familial relationship by literally adding another member to our family.
Our baby is due in April. Katie, mine, my husband, her husband, and her children - all of us are having this baby. Grow Baby Grow.
(this is the first one in this short lived series - some things are better to be kept close to the chest)
I woke up this morning excited, nay wiggly with excitement, because I want to learn all about Biogas generators and put one on our land. I don't know if it is legal to do so in my county (probably not, considering that you are not allowed to put in a composting toilet in your house), in which case I am excited to get that ball moving.
Once I have put one on the land, I think our town needs a big one for our waste - we currently have a beaver problem near the landfill flooding the land, which might be a good segway to focus the community's attention.
Biogas is what happens when anaerobic bacteria eat organic waste, manure (from humans, etc) or biomatter (plants), and give off gas as a byproduct. For countries who don't have quite such a generous excess of land to throw landfills onto they are already utilizing biogas technology: UK, Germany, China, etc. There are a few instances of biogas in the US, however, Wikipedia seems to conflate biogas with Landfill gas, which is incorrect.
My first desk job was working with landfill gas - the ability to take the methane generated by the bacteria and turn it into electricity and put into an industrial boiler. However, due to airborne siloxanes (a type of plastic) from the breakdown of certain beauty products (often in deodorants) the plastic would gunk up the moving parts of the turbines as the gas was heated in the generators. Biogas is a clean gas, no plastics from industrial waste are coming out of your chickens. (at least, we hope not)
We learned in our Permaculture Design Course this weekend that 2 cows, OR 7 goats, OR 170 chickens (and not counting humans or other organic waste streams) can generate enough gas to serve the needs of heating/cooking for 3-4 houses (this is in China). Not that our teacher was recommending that everyone run out and get two cows to keep in the shower in manhattan to run their Wolf ranges. But this notion of a decentralized, regionalized power grid is VERY important and one that our country needs to address.
In the next 30 years nearly 50% of our high power transmission lines will need to be replaced on the east coast and 13%-30% of the power is lost as it travels (that's the buzzing you hear near the wires). One of the principles of permaculture is that pollution is just waste that hasn't been put to better use.
(On a side note, landfills will 100% become super fund sites EVERY TIME because the liner only lasts 30 years and we are mixing industrial waste with organic matter which creates toxic leachate that goes into our groundwater, among many other fun/sad/horrible things. Check your well water if you live near a landfill and tell your neighbors.)
What does this have to do with food? Well, organic waste from the farm in whatever form: corn stalks, human feces, sheep manure, tomato vines, squash leaves, etc all have to go somewhere. You can compost the waste and feed the organic gold back onto your land and watch the pile steam in the winter from these bacteria - or, I would posit AND, you can harness the energy that is coming from the steaming pile and heat your house or run your stove or even your tractor with the biogas. To me, biogas is common sense - the bacteria are doing all of the work!
Upset about fracking? Get excited about Biogas!
It all brings us back to the old adage, "Waste not, want not."
I wanted to write this out because I felt so wiggly that I was having a hard time focussing on my morning meditation. Still feeling wiggly with possibility and promise of the world and ideas and things happening, but I will try again to focus on my mantra!
As Abraham Hicks would say, I am feeling "tuned in tapped on!" ie, the power of the Universe is coursing through my beingness! What a wonderful wonderful thing!!
I wish the same for you today!
A Course in Miracles agrees with agrees with A Course in Miracles. Hubristic, perhaps [yes]. Grateful and thrilled - yes. I am on lesson #255 of the workbook for A Course in Miracles:
Read More
Unlike my last visit to John of God, where I was not present for any physical surgeries - this time I saw several of them (if you want to see videos, there are many available). I saw a woman lean against a wall, the Entity incorporated in Medium Joao bared her breast, did a 3 cm incision, used his hand to pump out blood (which splashed on the floor), stitched her up with a few sutures, and then she was wheeled away to lie down. There was no anesthesia, no Betadine to wash the skin prior to cutting, no gloves... just Blessed Water and the Entity. I could see the blood vessels and the thick skin, I could see ligaments and fat, it was awe-inspiriting.
I saw the woman a few days later in the garden drinking coconut juice from a coconut - right as rain.
A different woman's eyes was scraped with a knife, yet another had a long pair of clamps shoved into her nose and rotated around, a man was cut open much like the woman above - every single one of them stood against a wall with their eyes closed - no yelling, no screaming, no drama. Just standing on a stage with a room full of silent watchers who had just said the Lord's Prayer.
(speaking of which I really prefer the Lord's Prayer that has been translated directly from the Aramaic - as opposed to from the Aramaic to Greek to Latin to Old English to English - thank you Heather for putting this in your book)
[quote]O Cosmic Birther of all radiance and vibration. Soften the ground of our being and carve out a space within us where Your presence can abide. Fill us with your creativity so that we may be empowered to bear the fruit of your mission. Let each of our actions bear fruit in accordance with our desires. Endow us with the wisdom to produce and share what each being needs to grow and flourish. Untie the tangled threads of destiny that bind us, as we release others from the entanglements of past mistakes. Do not let us be seduced by that which would divert us from our true purpose, but illuminate the opportunities of the present moment. For you are the ground and the fruitful vision, the birth, power and fulfillment, as all is gathered and made whole once again. AMEN[/quote]
In other words, my trip was incredible, amazing, awesome, wiggle making, loverly, and perfect.
The biggest shoe that dropped for me is that Faith is a choice. Just like courage, being cheerful, and not feeding Fear. Faith - choosing to know that a Universal Cosmic Consciousness/God loves us, watches over us, and wants us to be happy - is a choice. And as all choices - the more I practice the better I shall get at this.
The village of Abadiania sits onto of a large rock crystal - the moment I arrive, the whole body feels as though I have just had the best massage ~ and then the Entities start to work and WOWZA. I look forward to integrating what I learned, and I look forward to going back.
It is time to see if our frozen eggs can make there own way in the world (as hilarious it is to send off checks for their daycare/nightcare/storage). As such I have been so lucky to be given recommendations from dear friends to talk to people in this world from all over the country (well, left and right coasts). This is a small snapshot of what I have learned...
The only organization that seems to have ranked the MANY surrogacy agencies/fertility clinics out there is called Men Having Babies. You can check out their ranking on their website: MenHavingBabies.org. (caveat, the organization is based in New York City - so it is fairly NYC centric and they have not ranked everyone). The nice thing about this ranking is that you know the agencies/clinics are all LGBT friendly, which is important.
This was a fascinating lesson in the variation of State Laws - as a native Washingtonian, I didn't know what a Governor did till I was in college. For example, a Gestational Surrogate (GS) in California is not allowed (per her contract) to be in Arizona for the last trimester of her pregnancy - because, if the baby comes early, Arizona will keep the child and not give it to the Intended Parents (IP). In Florida it is illegal to pay someone to be a GS for you, ditto in NY. However - as this Surrogacy Central FAQ states, "Thanks to our United States Constitution, one may travel to any state in the United States and do anything that is legal in that state." I think that is one of the best sentences ever.
The legality arguments about surrogacy are fascinating. A lot of the people who fought the first court battles are still working today. The most striking sentence I found from my readings about how this has moved forward was from the Center for Surrogate Parenting, when talking about laws in CA in 1980: "Existing laws at the time were: ... (2) you can't sell a child - Emancipation Proclamation outlawed slavery in 1863 ... (4) Sperm Donor Act stated if a man produces sperm so that another man's wife can have a child, the donor has no liability and no right to declare the child's father; i.e., the surrogate's husband was deemed the father of any child she carries."
Some agencies have psychologists on staff, some do not.
Some agencies tell you that the GS's insurance will not pay for her pregnancy, some tell you it is not a problem (wonder if that is a question of which state the surrogate is in).
Most agencies want you to pay the retainer upfront before your find the surrogacy - I only spoke to one that did not.
Here is my one snarky learning that I hope perhaps some of the agencies can hear: When a heterosexual married woman is talking to a surrogacy agency it is safe to make the assumption that this is not her first choice of being a mother (unless she is super model and doesn't want to ruin her figure). As such, there is no reason to ask any questions along the lines of: "Why are you and your husband infertile?" Just take the facts (frozen embryos, wants to find a GS) and move on.
On that same vein, I found myself doing some really good cleansing of bottled emotions (that bottle that seems to be neverending). Tears, yelling, walks, meditations, talkings with friends - all good flushings in order for me to hug our future pregnant GS without reservation and throw a kick ass baby shower.
We will write up a vision for how we want this process to go when we are in Brazil with John of God. 5 weeks away!
A whirlwind 7 days in Germany to have an ultrasound with Dr. Herzog, sweat in the sauna, wander around Weihnachtsmarkt/Christmas markets, and meditate with John of God. It was very full and very wonderful - not least of which was the Ultrasound and Herzog's assertion that all is well (confirming what I had gleaned from the PET scan)
I am going to spend a moment reveling in gratitude for that news.
I am grateful for all of the people who supported me so I was able to spend 3 1/2 months in Germany. I am grateful for all of the people who do research in oncology and decide that certain medicines, treatments, dosages, radiation levels, therapeutic agents, cleansing routines, etc are better for me than others. I am grateful for the doctors, the nurses, the techs, the people who cleaned the floors of the clinics and the hospitals where I spent so much time this year. I am grateful for those who cooked for me.
I am grateful for those people who pack the needles, the bags, the saline solutions. I am grateful to those people who donate blood so that I was able to receive infusions and have enough red blood cells to walk up a hill without pausing every 5 feet. I am grateful my doctor here felt comfortable with me heading to Germany. I am grateful that we are once again in the monitoring stage of my physical doings.
I am grateful the gentleman across from me is using a green pen to write on his pad, I am grateful I am heading to a conference on farming for the rest of the week.
I am grateful for the timing of my most recent trip to Germany because Christmas markets are wonderful. I am grateful John of God was there with me.
I am grateful for my family, friends, Universe, friends I haven't met yet, and for the world of amazingness we spent our time floating in.
I am grateful grateful grateful.
Thank you Universe.
(Here is a wonderful poem by ee cummings about the infinite yes for you to peruse, as well.)
[quote]i thank You God for most this amazingday:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today, and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing breathing any--lifted from the no of all nothing--human merely being doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
e.e. cummings[/quote]
This poem brings tears - so gorgeous, especially the first two stanzas... "the gay great happening illimitably earth" - awesomesauce.
I took this picture as I flew back to the States from my whirlwind time in Germany as a great example of the great happening earth. On the plane I met a young lad (lad is such a fun word) who had never been to the States before (first time traveling solo as well) and was so nervous! It was such a treat to share with him that life is an adventure and that everything will work out beautifully.
Because it does. I thank you Universe for this most amazing day.
(the other picture was of sunrise that morning as we drove back into Frankfurt from our time with John of God)
A Course in Miracles is adamant about where sickness comes from...(lesson 136) [quote]Sickness is a decision. It is not a thing that happens to you, quite unsought, which makes you weak and brings you suffering. It is a choice you make, a plan you lay, when for an instant truth arises in your own deluded mind, and all your world appears to totter and prepare to fall. Now are you sick, that truth may go away and threaten your establishments no more.
How do you think that sickness can succeed from shielding you from truth? Because it proves that the body is not separate from you, and so you must be separate from the truth. You suffer pain because the body does, and in this pain you are made one with it. Thus is your "true" identity preserved, and the strange, haunting thought that you might be something beyond this little pile of dust silenced and stilled. For see, this dust can make you suffer, twist your limbs and stop your heart, commanding you to die and cease to be.
Thus is the body stronger than the truth, which asks you to live, and cannot overcome your choice to die. And so the body is more powerful than everlasting life, Heaven more frail than hell, and God's design for the salvation of His Son opposed by a decision stronger than His Will. His Son is dust, the Father incomplete, and chaos sits in triumph on His throne.[/quote]
In summary, the reason why we, as progeny of God* and therefore God, become sick (and not just sick, but think we need food and water and air and warmth - every precept we have come up with that shores up the needs of the body and makes us focus on our fleshsuits) is to prove to ourselves that our body is more important than God. Our ego is that part of us born in the thought that we are separated from God. The needs of the body are what ego uses to perpetuate itself - as we focus on caring for bodily needs, we are feeding the ego ~ feeding the premise that we are separate from God. So what is the solution? (page 55)
[quote]The only sane solution is not to try to change reality, which is indeed a fearful attempt, but to accept it as it is. You are part of reality which stands unchanged beyond the reach of your ego but within easy reach of spirit. When you are afraid, be still and know that God is real, and you are His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. Do you let your ego dispute this, because the ego cannot know what is far beyond its reach as you are.
God is not the author of fear. You are. You have chosen to create unlike Him, and therefore made fear for yourself. You are not at peace because you are not fulfilling your function. God gave you a very lofty function that you are not meeting. Your ego has chosen to be afraid instead of meeting it.[/quote]
Okay, ACIM, what therefore is my function? My very lofty function?
This is the part that makes me wiggle (because perhaps you, like me, weren't really wiggling at the beginning of this piece), and here I will summarize (because the book says this often in many places).
Our function is to be happy, to forgive, to love, to express who we are, to rest in the TRUTH that we are God and therefore unassailable and can be ourselves. Our function is to be ourselves, knowing we are a spark of the Divine (and therefore Divine). Our function is to recognize there is no separation between us and our brothers/sisters who are also God. "Do onto others," because we are all the same, there is no other. (lesson 156)
[quote]...ideas leave not their source. If this be true, how can you be apart from God? How could you walk the world alone and separate from your Source?
Truth must be true throughout, if it be true. It cannot contradict itself, nor be in parts uncertain and in others sure. You cannot walk the world apart from God, because you could be without Him. He is what your life is. Where you are He is. There is one life. That life you share with Him. Nothing can be apart from him and life.
The light in you is what the universe longs to belong. All living things are still before you, for they recognize Who walks with you. The light you carry is their own. And thus they see in you their holiness, seeing you as savior and as God.
This is the way salvation works. As you step back [as in "you" the ego "you"- cb], the light in you steps forward and encompasses the world. It heralds not the end of sin in punishment and death. In lightness and in laughter is sin gone, because its quaint absurdity is seen. It is a foolish thought, a silly dream, not frightening, ridiculous perhaps, but who would want to waste an instant in approach to God Himself for such a senseless whim?[/quote]
This reminds me of when I was teaching. My first year I was eaten alive by the students on my classroom management skills because I hadn't yet grokked that a perfectly good answer to a question from a 12 year old is "Because I said so." It was only once I was able to fully embrace my role as an adult and therefore the undisputed winner in any powerplay that fights stopped happening in the class. The kids needed an adult to reign in their more rambunctious tendencies.
The same way I imagine egos - running around, creating problems, fidgeting over this and fidgeting over that - while the infinite patience of God waits for us to realize that we are the adults in the classroom, not the confused children.
So here we have it from A Course in Miracles, "in lightness and laughter is sin gone," which brings me to Abraham (a phalange of entities who come in via Esther Hicks). Abraham tells us (pg 44-45 from Ask and It Is Given_)
[quote]Your emotions indicate the degree of your alignment with Source. Although you can never achieve such a complete misalignment with Source that you disconnect from it altogether, the thoughts that you choose to give your attention to do give you a substantial range in alignment or misalignment with the Non-Physical Energy that is truly who you are. And so, with time and practice, you will come to know, in every moment, your degree of alignment with who you really are, for when you are in full allowance of the Energy of your Source, you thrive, and to the degree that you do not allow this alignment, you do not thrive.
You are empowered Beings; you are utterly free to create_, and when you know that, and are focused on things that are in vibrational harmony with that, you feel absolute joy. But when you think thoughts that are contrary to that truth, you feel the opposite emotions of disempowerment and bondage.
When you think a thought that rings true with who you really are, you feel harmony coursing through your physical body: Joy, love, and a sense of freedom are examples of that alignment. And when you think thoughts that do _not _ring true with who you really are, you feel the disharmony in your physical body. Depression, fear, and feelings of bondage are examples of that misalignment.
...you create by molding Energy. You mold it through your power of focus - by thinking about things, remembering things, and imagining things. You focus the Energy when you speak, when you write, when you listen, when you are silent, when you remember, and when you imagine - you focus it through the projection of thought.[/quote]
Abraham has a lot of tapes and whatnot one can explore where people tap into specific concerns (love, money, weight lose, etc). From my perspective the crux of the whole matter is whether or not I feel happy. If thinking, talking, writing about something makes me upset or sad - it means I am deliberately removing myself from the deluge of happiness from Source.
(This does not of course include crying when one feels the need to cry, or yelling to flush out the emotion so it doesn’t get stored in the cells to bite your grandchildren in the karmic bottom.)
I was accused recently of being in denial and ignoring reality (“walking into walls†was the phrase).
I think it all depends on which reality one is talking about. Do I deny I am a body and this physical realm is our reality? Yes. Do I deny that I am a Daughter of She - that most amazing Cosmic Consciousness that created and loves all of us? Nope. Does that mean I ignore the body? Nope, I send it love - capital L LOVE from the Big Banana - trusting that the Universe is a better bus driver than I am. Love to all of the wonderful parts of it that are working beautifully and trust that the rest will work out.
I am finding the more I focus on the flow of well-being, love, fun, happiness, and joy the more of that I am seeing. The Goddess is surrounding me with her love and therefore I can send that out into my life and the life of others. My "reality" is changing based on what I am focusing on and that is awesomesauce.
My final thinking thought for this morning is this - don't get stuck in the waiting place, you are powerful enough to accomplish your dreams, you are God (as Dr. Seuss says...)
*Spirit/Atman/Cosmic Consciousness/the Big Banana/Source/Essence/etc
This falls squarely into the Miracle category - because I spent the whole time meditating and talking to Source/Essence/God/Cosmic Consciousness - whatever you want to call her and however you want to visualize him - that works for me. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious seems as good a word as any for mind-blowing, amazing, incredible, life-changing, awe-inspiring, peaceful, exciting, loverly, happy-making, faith-inducing, awesomesauce two weeks that I had in Brazil with John of God.
I am still grokking all of the good things that are filtering down as I stand here in absolute Faith that all is well (something that I had received glimpses of prior to going and that I am currently swimming in). As I shared with a friend of mine, I am surfing on a wave of Joy!
"You know Corinna, that joy never has to end. You could ride that wave FOREVER!"
So that is my plan. I am going to work on riding this wave forever. Set my intention to be filled with love and light and love. Did I mention love? Here are some pictures from my time down there. I would have a video from John of God doing surgeries, but I was in the current room, bathed in bliss (and you can find those very easily on YouTube).
We arrived to Brasilia, visiting a peace temple before arriving to Abadiania.
Our pousada was very heavily barricaded, one had to be buzzed in to gain access to the hammocks and the parrots in the garden.
(and yes, everyone wears white when you go in front of the Entity - it allows them to read your vibrations more easily)
The Casa is blue and white, peaceful, relaxing, beautiful, full of light and love and love. (Did I mention love?). It is bumping Wednesday through Friday, when the Entity is present. Otherwise it is mostly quiet ... mostly.
Every Wednesday through Friday many people gather in the great hall to be seen by the Entity - people from all ALL over the world. I am once again so grateful that English is my first language - everything at the Casa happened in Portuguese and English.
Here is our group with Medium Joao, after two weeks of bliss.
Thank you thank you thank you!!
I am filled with peace, love, excitement, faith, hope, compassion, anticipation, learnings, and miracles - Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!
I have seen John of God twice at Omega in Rhinebeck. He is not coming this year, so Mohammad is coming to the mountain. When I was in Germany one of the fabulous people I met there had a video of him and was making noises about a trip to see him. I became re-invigorated and took my own plunge to make the arrangements to join a group heading down (or up, depending on what side of the equator you are on...). I have packed just white (because it was early and I didn't want to think too much), I am not bringing plugs for phones, or wireless, or computers, or the kindle... I am bringing A Course in Miracles, a notebook, my mala beads, (perhaps a small camera so I can record what happens on these pages), and me.
as well as a great deal of anticipation...
(Considering that I could barely talk for a week after I saw him last - which is a big feat for me - I can only imagine what swimming in this bliss for 10 whole days is going to do to me. Or rather, what I am going to co-create to allow to happen to me. Cheers to cleansing and clearing and healing and yippie!!)
My life vision is to love, be curious, identify my Cranky Monster, and be brave enough to speak from and for The Good.
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