Letter to my Children: School Night Pleasure Reading Mea Culpa

Dearest Beloveds,

This is a mea culpa for our current nighttime routine - where I tell you to stop reading pleasure books and Turn off the light! Tomorrow morning is an early day! I am serious! No, you cannot have 5 more minutes! etc etc

The reason your mother is apologizing is because I get it. I totally understand the draw/need/desire/ache to turn the page/to see what happens/to visit longer in the fog of an alternative world. I get it, children.

I get it - which is why I apologize. Mea culpa AND I am going to keep talking about whether it is good choice to stay up late reading pleasure books on a school night (nope, not a good choice). Classic Both/And.

Mea culpa is my favorite phrase to apologize. It is playful and a bit off the wall - tempering the apology with slight whimsy.

Through my fault is the direct translation of mea culpa with a connotation of I’m sorry. Latin being Latin, you could then throw out the superlative and make it mea culpissima my biggest fault- which is a funny phrase for all sorts of reasons.* Though mea maxima culpa is probably less inappropriate for the superlative.

According to the fabulous site Thesaurus Precum Latinarum, mea culpa joined the scene as part of the Catholic Confiteor: “composed in the 8th century and then added to the Mass in the 11th century.”** According to Father McNamara, “those reciting the prayer are to strike their breast at the point where they say,”through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault” (mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa)

Breast-beating, really? Wow - I read this and immediately became irritated that my favorite phrase is associated with what I hear as hair shirt penitence, self-mutilation and a feeling of unworthiness and desperation. Then my brain kicked in and I remember what I learned about mercy from Megan Watterson at the Mary Magdalene Revealed Retreat.

As I wrote, wow, almost 4 years ago… Mercy comes from the Etruscan merc which means “exchange.” This tempers the breast-beating choreography of the thrice recited mea culpa in the prayer for me.

I also became curious to see when mea culpa joined our English language officially. According to both Samual Johnson’s Dictionary (gawd, I love that dictionary, thank you Meme and Baba for a great graduation present), originally published in 1755, and a Webster’s Dictionary from 1962 - it hasn’t.

Ah well.

BUT! Culpable joined the English language around Shakespeare and I feel must have happened partly from all of the Catholics reciting mea culpa

three

times

every

Mass

while

they

hit

their

chests.

That is certainly one way to learn a language. And now we have culpable to thank for it.

[Bean, this conjunctive adverb is for you.]

Moreover, did you see what I did just now? I am illustrating for you a time and a place to dive into rabbit holes. Who cares about the etymology of mea culpa and how culpable came into our language? Well, for your mother, this is a precious time I get to spend with both of you.

You two are at school right now and there seems to sometimes be scant time for just being fun and silly and spending time together where we are not driving. I don’t want to miss the opportunity to spend time with you that is not me telling you to turn off your light!

So I write this and, even though we are not physically close, you are with me. Right here, filling the room with your smiles and beautiful selves.

And it gives me joy.

Thank you beloveds.

It is so amazing to be your Momma.

*Scatalogical jokes are such clean fun (well, it guess it depends, hehe).

**CONFITEOR Deo omnipotenti, beatae Mariae semper Virgini, beato Michaeli Archangelo, beato Ioanni Baptistae, sanctis Apostolis Petro et Paulo, et omnibus Sanctis, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, beatum Michaelem Archangelum, beatum Ioannem Baptistam, sanctos Apostolos Petrum et Paulum, et omnes Sanctos, orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum.

Amen.I CONFESS to almighty God, to blessed Mary ever Virgin, to blessed Michael the Archangel, to blessed John the Baptist, to the holy apostles Peter and Paul, and to all the saints that I have sinned exceedingly in thought, word, and deed, through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault. Therefore, I beseech blessed Mary ever Virgin, blessed Michael the Archangel, blessed John the Baptist, the holy apostles Peter and Paul, and all the saints, to pray for me to the Lord our God. Amen.