Letter to my Children: Single Use Plastic ... Bespoke Clothing

Recently, you two played very quiet indoor soccer. On the other end of the building your mother had this internal conversation.

Corinna, raise your hand. You will be mad at yourself if you ignore this nudge to speak.

I am going to ask this question in front of all of these fellow soccer parents - out myself as a crunchy hippy environmentalist - even though I know the answer is capitalism and no, there is no wiggle room.

Yup. Be the Lorax.

I raised my hand. Clad in logo adorned athleisure, the national director turned to me. “Yes?”

“My question is in honor of Mother Earth and single use plastic. Given the fact that all of us already own the gray practice uniforms, do we need to purchase those as well as the two new game day uniforms?”

and the seventh pair of black soccer socks, and the fourth set of black shorts…

His tone became sympathetic. “Unfortunately, in order to qualify for our deal with XX there are certain stipulations as to what is included ….”

= Capitalism.

Well, you put the drop in the bucket.

Children, I ranted about single use plastic last year around this time. Perhaps my discomfort has something to do with spring cleaning and Mercury in retrograde. Perhaps my irritation has to do with dusting off spring uniforms with your last names printed on them.

Why do you both have, at ages barely in the double digits (or not even), bespoke uniforms?

Bespoke uniforms made out of “materials that I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemy,” as Annemarie Conte wrote in her Wirecutter article detailing the 450 lb box of returned mystery products.

Your father tells me that polyester uniforms don’t show the sweat as much. Plastic clothing doesn’t breath like cotton does - so you sweat more, but nevermind that small fact.* But it is better for humans to pretend we don’t sweat. Because sweating is yucky.

Heaven forbid we accept odor and underarm stains.

Heaven forbid we take a step back from consuming for a second and think.

Heaven forbid we THINK.

We have decided to create an entire plastic athletic clothing industry - around asethetics.

For children.

I can hear the sales experts around the table. Children grow and will NEED new uniforms every two years!!! Isn’t that great?!

How have we allowed this to be normalized? The same way so much of our capitalist mindset is normalized.

It is short term profits over long term thinking - it not rocket science.

This is the world we live in. If we want you two to participate in team sports for all of the good reasons - this is the price.

I am forced to vote in favor of this idiocy with my wallet.

Actually, it is not even my wallet. It is your future.

Time for Fists of Anger.

*Because polyester is hydrophobic it wicks moisture away from the skin - which doubles down on it making you HOTTER. Literally a mini greenhouse effect next to your skin.

ARGH!!!!