When Did my Whole Life become an Ayahuasca Trip?

I write that blithely, as if I am drinking plant medicine daily. Not true. But the sentiment holds. (and I like the sentence.)

When I embark upon an evening of ayahuasca, my routine is this. I hold the medicine in my hands and say a prayer.

LET’S DO THIS THING! Thank you for whatever is about to come. I am so grateful.

Then I quickly swallow.

Once I am in the throes of the medicine the experience goes in waves.

A wave of bliss - we are all One.

A stabbing pain in my heart as I am roiling with the physical pain of fear, fetal position.

I am held in Divine Love and I know life is unfolding with joy as intended.

I am weeping in loneliness or anxiety or judgement or sorrow or or.

Rinse repeat.

Like a waking dream, I am participating and watching all of this unfold. I am able to stand apart from the drama, cheerleading from the sidelines, especially when I think to myself that I cannot stand another second of the pain.

You can do this Corinna. You chose this. This is why you are here. You are strong. You are brave. You are doing good work. Keep it up. Be patient. This will shift soon.

And it always does.

This cheerleading part of me showed up when I was doing my bone marrow transplant. I posted cheers on my walls.

This is why I am here. I am strong. I am worthy. I am loved and seen. I am my own best friend. I was born to do this.

Next to the prayers, I posted visions for the future. “G-ma! Read us a story!” Small beloved hands squish the wrinkles on my hand and W’s eye’s sparkle.

When the room spun and time stopped I read my words. Again and again and again.*

I thought my cheerleading hat would be put on occasionally, for specific short term experiences of extreme intensity. Then she could hang up her pompoms and put her feet up until the next experience - one that would demarcated by a beginning, a middle, and an end. Like a yoga class or being stuck in traffic.

Yea, that doesn’t work anymore.

It feels like the screws of intensity have been cranked fully on for the whole planet. My cheerleader is no longer able to take breaks to wash her uniform and check her hair in the mirror. To take a nap while I watch binge Netflix with cheesy popcorn. (Well, maybe a short nap.)

I think is actually the whole point. My cheerleading courageous self has got to stop being a princess about the good work and become a queen. Roll up her sleeves and speak and act from The Good - all of the time.

Let us agree our souls chose this time to be born. Onto this planet. In this life. With these circumstances. With these news headlines.

In that case, our souls said the same thing to the Divine before plunging into this reality that I say when I take plant medicine. Let’s do this thing! Thank you for whatever is about to come. I am so grateful. My forays into short term surrender and cheerleading are exactly what is needed every day - for all of us. Everywhere. We are moving from the Picean Age to the Aquarian Age.**

And we all need cheerleaders.

*My self-winding watch stopped working because I wasn’t moving it enough to wind it. Woof.

**Oprah reposted to her podcast recently an interview she did with Shirley MacLaine April 11, 2011. The two of them were talking about this 13 years ago.

MacLaine shared, “For me these are very difficult days…There is an alignment happening. It is the first time in 26,000 years that this has occurred. What does that mean? If you have an alignment where this solar system is in direct alignment with the center of the galaxy that carries with it a very profound electromagnetic frequency - vibration - gravitational pull. Hence the weather. What does that do to consciousness? What does that do to our sense of reality? I know everyone is feeling this sense of speed speed speed and they don’t know what to do about it. I have a feeling - can’t prove it - can’t prove any of this - that the karmic drama of the laws of cause and effect. What you put out you get back. You do know what I am talking about?

Oprah interjected. “Which is the greatest spiritual law, wouldn’t you say?”

“Absolutely.” Agreed MacLaine.

Oprah jumped in again. “That is my mantra for life. The third law of motion - its physics. For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction. That is the foundation of my religious belief. That is IT. Which is the same as do onto others as you would have them do onto you - but what it really means is that what you do onto others is already done onto you. Because it is coming back whether you believe it or not. It doesn’t require your belief.”

MacLaine continued. “This kind of psychic spiritual pressure we are all feeling is about that your internal soul is telling you to Get Your Act Together. And that is why the weather is challenging you to do it. Technology is challenging you to do it. Poverty is challenging you to do it.”

Oprah agreed. “Every life experience is there for the benefit of your awakening. Everything is happening to help you awaken to your true self.”

MacLaine jumped in. “The thing is though, hurry up and choose it.”

“Hurry up and get the message”