Letter to my children: Covid Emergence

Dearest Beloveds,

In the last week I have reconnected with 4 families that fell outside of our pod circle during Covid. It feels exhilarating, joyful, overdue, and important for our family.

In March 2020, our family shut down all social contact to the essentials. The four of us were it for the first three weeks of lockdown (plus K, thank God for au pairs). Then we introduced Tia, Michael, Meme, and Baba. Until September 2020, that was it. Every other interaction happened outside, 6 feet apart, with lots of hand-washing and waving. If, heaven forbid, one needed to be inside with strangers (grocery shopping, or when your Mother spent hours sitting with Baba when his hospital time blew up) masks were worn. First handmade cloth ones, then purloined surgical masks from the hospital, then - once the supply chain had sorted itself out - Kn95 masks.

In September 2020, we joined a homeschooling pod whereby Bean you joined a group of children. It was a godsend from a social point of view. It was also a godsend from a practical point of view as my health blew up and it was glorious to have a community in the craziness of it all.

For the duration of that academic year - that was our pod, our circle of friends, our interactions. Since you cannot eat with a mask on it and most interactions take place over food, our social world was that pod. I would not consider myself an extremely social person, but as an extrovert I know that I get energy from meeting new people and being in new situations. All of that disappeared for months and months and months.

And months.

The effect this time of Covid has had on our society will be dismantled and discussed for many years. Even now there is a page on the CDC website listing resources to parents concerned about their children’s mental health from Covid (from the change in routines, break in continuity, missing significant life events, etc).

I feel the effects of this will be far reaching for adolescents because they were just stretching into their social lives outside of their family circle when all shut down. Your father and I know what it is like to have many circles of interaction - family and close friends in the center, moving out to the levels of acquaintances you may only see at other people’s parties but whose presence enlivens the rich tapestry of one’s life.

You two are still of the age where you want to be with us. So from that perspective Covid was a wonderful treat of enforced togetherness. It showed how it is nice not to eat meals in the cars as we are driving to doings. Not being able to schlep all over the Hudson valley for activities felt a gift (not only for our gas usage) but also from an open ended time perspective. We built a greenhouse, we painted bee hive boxes, we read in the hammock, and we were together. We were very lucky that your father is considered an essential worker and that we did not get sick.

The pod stayed together for most of the summer of 2021 and then it broke apart as many of those children started school. As such, our pod became smaller. From September 2021 to now our pod reverted back to our family with perhaps highly orchestrated indoor hellos with people where testing/exposure/masks all came into play. It has been more negotiating and hassle than when it was just the pod and as such a reduction in our social hellos. However between Covid and your Momma’s health doings a small social circle has been necessary.

I have been and am currently immunocompromised from the bone marrow transplant. As I have explained to you, the memory cells of my body are still extant and the new bone marrow doesn’t quite know what to do and they need time to sort themselves out.

I got home in February and did not start really feeling like myself until a few weeks ago. When I finally got off the couch I looked at the two of you. You both blossomed in independence this winter and it is time to reforge, reconnect, reweave our social tapestry. The apple trees are blooming, we can be outside without masks, and it is time to be in the world again.

So once again, I am finding crusts and nuts and carrot sticks tucked in and around booster seats.

Covid taught us to slow down, to savor, to relax. I feel the key as we reforge and reconnect is to maintain both sides of the coin. Scheduling parties and potlucks is as important as scheduling slow afternoons of tea and Parcheesi. We will emerge together. As a family. Your Momma reborn for many years of doings.

I love you both very very much. Thank you for being my amazing children.