A conversation between A Course in Miracles and Abraham on sickness/purpose/life

A Course in Miracles is adamant about where sickness comes from...(lesson 136) [quote]Sickness is a decision. It is not a thing that happens to you, quite unsought, which makes you weak and brings you suffering. It is a choice you make, a plan you lay, when for an instant truth arises in your own deluded mind, and all your world appears to totter and prepare to fall. Now are you sick, that truth may go away and threaten your establishments no more.

How do you think that sickness can succeed from shielding you from truth? Because it proves that the body is not separate from you, and so you must be separate from the truth. You suffer pain because the body does, and in this pain you are made one with it. Thus is your "true" identity preserved, and the strange, haunting thought that you might be something beyond this little pile of dust silenced and stilled. For see, this dust can make you suffer, twist your limbs and stop your heart, commanding you to die and cease to be.

Thus is the body stronger than the truth, which asks you to live, and cannot overcome your choice to die. And so the body is more powerful than everlasting life, Heaven more frail than hell, and God's design for the salvation of His Son opposed by a decision stronger than His Will. His Son is dust, the Father incomplete, and chaos sits in triumph on His throne.[/quote]

In summary, the reason why we, as progeny of God* and therefore God, become sick (and not just sick, but think we need food and water and air and warmth - every precept we have come up with that shores up the needs of the body and makes us focus on our fleshsuits) is to prove to ourselves that our body is more important than God. Our ego is that part of us born in the thought that we are separated from God. The needs of the body are what ego uses to perpetuate itself - as we focus on caring for bodily needs, we are feeding the ego ~ feeding the premise that we are separate from God. So what is the solution? (page 55)

[quote]The only sane solution is not to try to change reality, which is indeed a fearful attempt, but to accept it as it is. You are part of reality which stands unchanged beyond the reach of your ego but within easy reach of spirit. When you are afraid, be still and know that God is real, and you are His beloved Son in whom He is well pleased. Do you let your ego dispute this, because the ego cannot know what is far beyond its reach as you are.

God is not the author of fear. You are. You have chosen to create unlike Him, and therefore made fear for yourself. You are not at peace because you are not fulfilling your function. God gave you a very lofty function that you are not meeting. Your ego has chosen to be afraid instead of meeting it.[/quote]

Okay, ACIM, what therefore is my function? My very lofty function?

This is the part that makes me wiggle (because perhaps you, like me, weren't really wiggling at the beginning of this piece), and here I will summarize (because the book says this often in many places).

Our function is to be happy, to forgive, to love, to express who we are, to rest in the TRUTH that we are God and therefore unassailable and can be ourselves. Our function is to be ourselves, knowing we are a spark of the Divine (and therefore Divine). Our function is to recognize there is no separation between us and our brothers/sisters who are also God. "Do onto others," because we are all the same, there is no other. (lesson 156)

[quote]...ideas leave not their source. If this be true, how can you be apart from God? How could you walk the world alone and separate from your Source?

Truth must be true throughout, if it be true. It cannot contradict itself, nor be in parts uncertain and in others sure. You cannot walk the world apart from God, because you could be without Him. He is what your life is. Where you are He is. There is one life. That life you share with Him. Nothing can be apart from him and life.

The light in you is what the universe longs to belong. All living things are still before you, for they recognize Who walks with you. The light you carry is their own. And thus they see in you their holiness, seeing you as savior and as God.

This is the way salvation works. As you step back [as in "you" the ego "you"- cb], the light in you steps forward and encompasses the world. It heralds not the end of sin in punishment and death. In lightness and in laughter is sin gone, because its quaint absurdity is seen. It is a foolish thought, a silly dream, not frightening, ridiculous perhaps, but who would want to waste an instant in approach to God Himself for such a senseless whim?[/quote]

This reminds me of when I was teaching. My first year I was eaten alive by the students on my classroom management skills because I hadn't yet grokked that a perfectly good answer to a question from a 12 year old is "Because I said so." It was only once I was able to fully embrace my role as an adult and therefore the undisputed winner in any powerplay that fights stopped happening in the class. The kids needed an adult to reign in their more rambunctious tendencies.

The same way I imagine egos - running around, creating problems, fidgeting over this and fidgeting over that - while the infinite patience of God waits for us to realize that we are the adults in the classroom, not the confused children.

So here we have it from A Course in Miracles, "in lightness and laughter is sin gone," which brings me to Abraham (a phalange of entities who come in via Esther Hicks). Abraham tells us (pg 44-45 from Ask and It Is Given_)

[quote]Your emotions indicate the degree of your alignment with Source. Although you can never achieve such a complete misalignment with Source that you disconnect from it altogether, the thoughts that you choose to give your attention to do give you a substantial range in alignment or misalignment with the Non-Physical Energy that is truly who you are. And so, with time and practice, you will come to know, in every moment, your degree of alignment with who you really are, for when you are in full allowance of the Energy of your Source, you thrive, and to the degree that you do not allow this alignment, you do not thrive.

You are empowered Beings; you are utterly free to create_, and when you know that, and are focused on things that are in vibrational harmony with that, you feel absolute joy. But when you think thoughts that are contrary to that truth, you feel the opposite emotions of disempowerment and bondage.

When you think a thought that rings true with who you really are, you feel harmony coursing through your physical body: Joy, love, and a sense of freedom are examples of that alignment. And when you think thoughts that do _not _ring true with who you really are, you feel the disharmony in your physical body. Depression, fear, and feelings of bondage are examples of that misalignment.

...you create by molding Energy. You mold it through your power of focus - by thinking about things, remembering things, and imagining things. You focus the Energy when you speak, when you write, when you listen, when you are silent, when you remember, and when you imagine - you focus it through the projection of thought.[/quote]

Abraham has a lot of tapes and whatnot one can explore where people tap into specific concerns (love, money, weight lose, etc). From my perspective the crux of the whole matter is whether or not I feel happy. If thinking, talking, writing about something makes me upset or sad - it means I am deliberately removing myself from the deluge of happiness from Source.

(This does not of course include crying when one feels the need to cry, or yelling to flush out the emotion so it doesn’t get stored in the cells to bite your grandchildren in the karmic bottom.)

I was accused recently of being in denial and ignoring reality (“walking into walls” was the phrase).

I think it all depends on which reality one is talking about. Do I deny I am a body and this physical realm is our reality? Yes. Do I deny that I am a Daughter of She - that most amazing Cosmic Consciousness that created and loves all of us? Nope. Does that mean I ignore the body? Nope, I send it love - capital L LOVE from the Big Banana - trusting that the Universe is a better bus driver than I am. Love to all of the wonderful parts of it that are working beautifully and trust that the rest will work out.

I am finding the more I focus on the flow of well-being, love, fun, happiness, and joy the more of that I am seeing. The Goddess is surrounding me with her love and therefore I can send that out into my life and the life of others. My "reality" is changing based on what I am focusing on and that is awesomesauce.

My final thinking thought for this morning is this - don't get stuck in the waiting place, you are powerful enough to accomplish your dreams, you are God (as Dr. Seuss says...)

*Spirit/Atman/Cosmic Consciousness/the Big Banana/Source/Essence/etc

Happy Food Day to everyone! Because we all EAT!

Here is one idea of what you can do on Food Day... [unordered_list style="star"]

  • Pick apples for awesomesauce applesauce.
  • Donate your time at a soup kitchen. (If you live in the Hudson Valley, Queen's Galley won the 2012 Local Hero Award!)
  • Post information about farms to real time farms.
  • Make a stew from the farmers market that you can freeze and enjoy later.
  • Send a thank you prayer to all of the farmers who work so hard to feed us.
  • Invite all of your friends over for potluck.
  • Design your chicken coop.

[/unordered_list]

Okay, more than one idea - it is just so EXCITING!! Check out the Food Day site for TONS of ideas, events, and opportunities to share.

Two weeks with John of God - supercalifragilistic expialidocious-ness

This falls squarely into the Miracle category - because I spent the whole time meditating and talking to Source/Essence/God/Cosmic Consciousness - whatever you want to call her and however you want to visualize him - that works for me. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious seems as good a word as any for mind-blowing, amazing, incredible, life-changing, awe-inspiring, peaceful, exciting, loverly, happy-making, faith-inducing, awesomesauce two weeks that I had in Brazil with John of God.

I am still grokking all of the good things that are filtering down as I stand here in absolute Faith that all is well (something that I had received glimpses of prior to going and that I am currently swimming in). As I shared with a friend of mine, I am surfing on a wave of Joy!

"You know Corinna, that joy never has to end. You could ride that wave FOREVER!"

So that is my plan. I am going to work on riding this wave forever. Set my intention to be filled with love and light and love. Did I mention love? Here are some pictures from my time down there. I would have a video from John of God doing surgeries, but I was in the current room, bathed in bliss (and you can find those very easily on YouTube).

We arrived to Brasilia, visiting a peace temple before arriving to Abadiania.

Our pousada was very heavily barricaded, one had to be buzzed in to gain access to the hammocks and the parrots in the garden.

(and yes, everyone wears white when you go in front of the Entity - it allows them to read your vibrations more easily)

The Casa is blue and white, peaceful, relaxing, beautiful, full of light and love and love. (Did I mention love?). It is bumping Wednesday through Friday, when the Entity is present. Otherwise it is mostly quiet ... mostly.

Every Wednesday through Friday many people gather in the great hall to be seen by the Entity - people from all ALL over the world. I am once again so grateful that English is my first language - everything at the Casa happened in Portuguese and English.

Here is our group with Medium Joao, after two weeks of bliss.

Thank you thank you thank you!!

I am filled with peace, love, excitement, faith, hope, compassion, anticipation, learnings, and miracles - Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!

Hello John of God. Goodbye phone.

I have seen John of God twice at Omega in Rhinebeck. He is not coming this year, so Mohammad is coming to the mountain. When I was in Germany one of the fabulous people I met there had a video of him and was making noises about a trip to see him. I became re-invigorated and took my own plunge to make the arrangements to join a group heading down (or up, depending on what side of the equator you are on...). I have packed just white (because it was early and I didn't want to think too much), I am not bringing plugs for phones, or wireless, or computers, or the kindle... I am bringing A Course in Miracles, a notebook, my mala beads, (perhaps a small camera so I can record what happens on these pages), and me.

as well as a great deal of anticipation...

(Considering that I could barely talk for a week after I saw him last - which is a big feat for me - I can only imagine what swimming in this bliss for 10 whole days is going to do to me. Or rather, what I am going to co-create to allow to happen to me. Cheers to cleansing and clearing and healing and yippie!!)

Why politics feeds my wrong wolf

As I spoke about in my book, I try not to feed the wrong wolf (when I am conscious enough to recognize what is going on). However, it is nice to know what is going on with the world. So I am torn because politics makes me CRAZY! I can feel my heart rate rise, my blood pressure spike, my parasympathic nervous system shut down...and for what? 

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A day for Sabbath

I have been trying very hard to implement a day where nothing is planned. A true day of sabbath, rest, rejuvenation, ability to play, or roll with what sings to you. As Eckart Tolle says - if life is the dancer and we (each one of us in our uniqueness of being ourselves - ie in my Corinna-ness as Corinna) are the dance - a day of rest allows us to fully honor the spontaneity of what our hearts and bellies might want to tell us to do. I tell you, we have been able to pull off two true Sabbath Sundays in the last 5 weeks. TWO out of five is not very good odds. It could be that I do not have a community that functions around such a day. If I were an orthodox jew this would be part of my culture and there would be support and honoring of such a day (I love Anne-Marie Slaughter's take on this). But as it is, because we wake up so early the weekend is often the only time to plan outings with new friends - so what are you left with, not seeing someone for three weeks because your Sunday is supposed to be sacrosanct? Hence the 2 out of 5.

But darn it, I am committed to this idea and want to make it a habit. One true day of naps and walks and wanderings and belly buttons listenings.

 

Aufedersein Bad Salzhausen

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The platelet count and Dr. Herzog agreed,  6 cycles of the modified BEACOPP were all that my bone marrow was going to stomach (I hope platelets have stomachs, that would make me very happy). As such, I flew home, had another PET scan (which showed just one spot which we will radiate), met with all sorts of MDs, had my infected port removed, blah blah data data.

It is nice to be home, it is nice to be able to cook what I want when I want to, it is nice to sleep in my own bed, scratch my own kitty, kiss my husband's nose.

I will miss the sauna, the amazing peeps I met from all over the world, the kindness of the nurses and the MDs, and the relaxed attitude the clinic held towards certain things (like eating salad while severely neutropenic). Aufedersein Bad Salzhausen.

I spent 92 days in Germany (two days thankfully were not counted by the German government - otherwise I would have overstayed my visa and Germany may have gotten annoyed).

I am working on our new life in New York - get the house built, planning what kind of animals (chickens and ducks AND goats?) and planting and growing goodies again...I miss having a garden.

As a very wise woman told me - "If you stop planning you are surrendering." - not an option. So, planning I am.

A beautiful dear friend of mine (you can read her blog!) shared with me this quote from Gilda Radner - it is the perfect pause at the end of this particular chapter.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

Thank you for being with me on this story of mine. Delicious Ambiguity indeed.

Weisbaden, Hildegard von Bingen, und Kloster Eberbach

This was not with trains, this was with a rented car and a SatNav (thank you British shorthand for a new word for a Tom-Tom). We went to Weisbaden, "the Nice of Germany" according to our guidebook, the Hildegard of Bingen's abbey, and a beautiful Gothic monastery - Eberbach.

Weisbaden feels like Nice to me because the buildings were very fin de siecle, with the balconies and whatnot.

Well, except for the Rathaus of course. (City Hall)

Hildegard's original abbey was lost in the 30 years war (or the 100 years war, one of those). So her current abbey was built about 100 years ago in the Romanesque style.

They also make their own wine from the vineyards around, which cracks me up.

On the way back to Bad Salzhausen we found the monastery - Kloster Eberbach - where they filmed the Name of the Rose...(which reminds me I need to watch it again.) They also make their own wine.

The scene from the Name of the Rose was filmed in the former dormitory for the monks - apparently the largest single Gothic room in Germany.

I think my favorite building from the complex is the Orangerie (and the sun came out just in honor of the picture).

Halumping around Hesse (und medical update from Deutschland)

Those of you who read my book know the word boring is anathema to me. Instead I will simply say I have found myself more and more drawn to exploring outside of my glorious village of Bad Salzhausen. This region of Germany is known as Hesse and it is served by a perfect train system (which leaves at 4 minutes past the hour and at the big stations all of the clocks move in PERFECT synchronicity, one could dance to it).

My first trip was to Bad Nauheim - where Elvis Presley was posted...

From what I understand, he refused to stay in the barracks and instead took over the top two floors of the Grand Hotel.

(It is good to be the king.)

There is a beautiful garden and spa...

Bad Nauheim also has springs, an extensive thermal bath complex, and a MUCH bigger inhalatorium than Bad Salzhausen ...

Nearby to Bad Nauheim is Friedberg, which has a beautiful cathedral and a castle with a very distinctive 13th century tower...

Though I had flown into its airport, I had not yet walked the streets. So on another day my knitting, the kindle, and my water bottle visited Frankfurt! (which felt a bit like London in that one could tell that there were many building opportunities after the war).

I like the ceiling of the train station...

I also like the heating system aesthetic for Baroque houses. Goethe's house was rebuilt after the war with all of the original interiors (that had been taken out and saved from the bombing)...

I got turned around walking back to the station, but I am 95% sure that this is the opera house...

Next trip was to Marburg, the original capital of Hesse (from the 12th century again). It is now home to a big university, a huge mass of pedestrian streets...

the original castle...

a very impressive Gothic cathedral, and a huge number of beautifully preserved buildings...

It is nice to bop about on the train. I am going to continue to do so as time and energy permits.

On the medical front, I have finished my 5th cycle of the modified BEACOPP. My platelets seem to slower and slower to rise again, which the md thinks is because my bone marrow is tired and perhaps I may not be able to do as many cycles as he originally thought. I expect it will become clear in time.

In the meantime, I am receiving local hyperthermia and infusions daily, walking, breathing, knitting, reading, eating, swimming (on Sundays), and generally reveling in this beautiful life.

How can one not when surrounded by buildings with fishscales?

 

A wheatgrass machine sounds like a cow (und scan update, und A Course in Miracles...)

I know this sounds naive, but I have never stood next to a cow in the silence of a quiet field and listened to it tear up grass and chew. My first thought was, "that sounds like a wheatgrass machine," my second thought was, "maybe we should give nature first dibs on sounds - a wheatgrass machine sounds like a cow." 

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A walk around the Bad Salzhausen sculpture park (und update)

So yesterday I started cycle 3 of hopefully 8 cycles (8 cycles of what, you ask? read all about it here!) - a full body hyperthermia where I SWEAT like a big sweating sweaty sweat person (according to the nurse I was "schwimmen en de table", love it!).

Today I walked my husband up to the top of the hill to catch the train back to the station to catch a plane so he could take a bus to take a train to take a taxi to get in the car to drive home (whew, and yes it was a LOT easier to get home from DTW).

Before I started my infusion for day 2 of chemo I walked around the park and took pictures of the sculptures...and I want to share because they are beautiful!

I also want to share a bit of where the money is going for all of you who have SO generously given. Here is a small breakdown of costs (200€ for the daily local hyperthermia, 2600€ for the once a fortnight full body hyperthermia, 1800€ for the chemotherapy I purchase every two weeks, 16.50€ for beautiful food every day at the clinic, 45€ a day for the infusions I receive, etc etc)...So far the Universe has sent along about $11,200 - THANK YOU SO MUCH!

It is really nice to pay for something and feel as though there are all of these angels surrounding me and paying with me. It feels as though I am part of a big beautiful world - which I AM!

In addition to supporting the German economy, what am I doing here, you may ask? Well - I am studying A Course in Miracles - which is blowing my mind in how it looks at the ego and God and all of that good stuff.

I am continuing to work with Real Time Farms (albiet in an abbreviated fashion).

I am making new friends and learning a small bit of German. Genau!