Letter to Bean: Front Seat Sitting and Straight Talk
/Bean, your hand reaches over from my peripheral vision as I am driving and reaches towards the radio controls. “Mom, I don’t like the song.”
Oh my gosh, Bean is changing the channel and sitting in the front seat! What is going on?!
“Bean, it is really weird for your Momma to not have you in the back seat anymore.” And have volition over the radio and also not have a full front table for me to spread out my stuff.
“Mom, I am over 4’9”. That is the rule.”
I reach over and take your hand. “Indeed, that is the rule. I will get used to it.” Bean squeezes.
And I squeeze back.
A few days later you threw this sentence into the room. “Momma, can I have a pajama day tomorrow? I feel like I have such a full schedule all of the time, I just want a day off.”
Full schedule, what? A day off?! Where did you get this idea? “Of course, I love pajama days.”
You wore your pajamas from a few years ago - your gangly limbs in full evidence - sharp growing ankles and wrists.
The last time I hugged you, the top of your head almost reached my chin. “Momma, you are squashing me!”
“I know, I like to pretend sometimes that you are a baby again. I remember you as a baby!”
“I was so cute, yes?”
“The cutest.”
While it is nice to remember you when you were a floppy limp nugget - it is really fun to have conversations with you that are more mature.
I hope never to forget your rejoinder to me the morning after we spent the night in the tent in India. I had barely slept, worrying that the 4 am dance music beyond the walls of the ashram would wake you two up. Having spent the whole night uncomfortable and wondering if we should go back to the hotel I greeted you with that.
“Morning Bean, I have been thinking. Do you think we should go back to the hotel - would you be more comfortable there?”
Your very serious, very wise, very clear eyes looked back into mine, “Mom, you have got to get over yourself. The tent is fine. You just aren’t as used to camping as we are.”
BOOM! You nailed it!
Both AND.
Love you my Bean.