Letter to my children: Privacy and Dictionaries
/My dearest Beloveds,
Dragon, you reminded me this week of a consistent pairing that happens with parenthood. The trace bit of sadness and heartache that accompanies the excitement, thrill and pride when you master a new skill - the both/and of life. In this instance you told me that you no longer want me to sit with you when you go potty.
For the past 2 years plus every time you wanted to sit on the toilet, you wanted me to be with you. I would sit on the floor, leaning against the wall or the bathtub next to the toilet. “Momma closer!” I would scooch my body closer to you.
“Yes.” Your pudgy arms might drum my legs before your head would bend down. We would sit for a while in silence with your soft cheek against my knees, your arms hanging down, dangling against my legs.
“How is it going? Are you ready for me to wipe you?”
“Not yet.”
I might lean in over you and rest my head against your head. We would become a pile of nesting bodies.
This would invariably happen at the dinner table. “Dragon, can Dadda take you? He is finished eating already.”
“No, YOU.”
And off I would go - until this week. “Momma, I need to go poop.”
“Okay, do you want me to go with you.”
“No, and I am going to wipe my own self.”
“Okay, just call me so I can check to make sure you are clean.”
The first day this happened, I was so proud and excited that I didn’t think about our little ritual as gone. The second day you were in there, I wandered in after you and folded my body to the floor.
“No, Momma, I don’t want you here!”
“You don’t want me to sit with you anymore?”
“NO.”
I looked up at you - how long and lean you are becoming. In a small voice I asked softly, “Can I sit here so Momma can do this one last time?”
In the most exasperated, perfect eye-rolling tone, “FINE.”
And that was that.
This was the same day the Bean and I finished our first exposure to the word families (-et, -at, -ow, -uck, etc) and started on consonant blends (bl-, br-, cl-, cr-, etc). I was trying to brainstorm words that start with BL and blanking (ha!) - until I remembered my dictionary!
The reason we know that Shakespeare doubled the english language is because Samual Johnson built the precursor to the Oxford English Dictionary and discovered this fact. I did not imagine that any of these dictionaries were extant until I went to Cambridge and found one in the reference room. I was so excited about this fact, when Baba came to visit me, it was part of my highlight tour. We visited the red dictionary (top shelf on the right as you walk into the room, if you ever have a chance to visit the UL). Apparently my enthusiasm was evident - the two volume, insanely sized, A Dictionary of the English Language by Samuel Johnson, reprinted of the 1755 plates was my graduation gift.
And I pulled it off the shelf to assist us find words that start with BL.
“Momma, what is THAT?”
“This, my dear child, is a dictionary. It has most of the words in the english language with definitions.”
“Oh, WOW.”
“It is going to help us find words that start with BL.”
We open up the tall pages, I see the font, and my whole body gets happy.
Thank you my dearest children for traveling this road with me - holding my hand. I love love you.
