Letter to my children: Thoughts on time

Dearest Beloveds,

Your Momma has learned a very important lesson this month. Again. I am sure I have learned this lesson before, but this month I seem to be getting a really heavy dose of learning on this. Here is the lesson.

Make room in your life always for unforeseen obligations. Try not to be so busy that you don’t have space for the unexpected.

Much like when Meme told me years ago about the $500 that derails your carefully planned monthly budget - the car needs new tires, you splurge on treating your friends to a fun birthday party, the cat gets sick. Whatever it is, her advice then (which I agree with still) is to put that slush fund into your budget so that you can deal with the unplanned.

I would say do the same thing with time. The worst case scenario is that you don’t need the extra time and you have an extra 4 hours a week during the day to sit and read a pleasure book, go for a walk, treat yourself to a smoothie while dancing around the house in your underwear. The best case scenario is that you don’t come home from a week of moving your mother to assisted living and realize that you need to empty the three pantry closets and bleach every surface at 10 o’clock at night because you have a pantry moth infestation.

Fucking moths. I can’t even tell you children. Your mother is a seething mess of fury over these moths and having to pull everything out to the porch and wipe everything down.

Bean, you are very curious to know what the adults are talking about when you are not in the room. I will tell you, a lot of it is logistics. When are we going to kill the chickens that are eating through their food faster than we can refill it? Who is going to take the propane tanks to refill them so we can make peach sauce with the outside burner? What does your schedule look like to go through the rest of the cottage and clear out the clothing and the books and organize the furniture?

Bean, about a week ago you and I had this conversation at the piano. “Momma, I don’t want to start this piece. I want to do it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, hum.” I look at you.

You look at me.

“Sorry Bean, you have told me that three times with this piece that you will do it tomorrow. I am going to be the first one to tell you this. Tomorrow never comes. You either do it now or never.”

“That is not true, I will do it tomorrow. Please.”

“I appreciate that you are asking so nicely. But that is not the issue. You cannot keep pushing things off to tomorrow, because the only thing that exists is this moment. So, today we are going to start this piece. I will help you.”

Your face gets red and you start getting upset. “No, Momma. I PROMISE. I PROMISE I WILL DO IT TOMORROW.”

“I know, my dearest. I know you believe that. But it is never going to happen if you keep saying that. So, today is the day.”

“NO! I PROMISE!”

“Sorry love. We are going to start this piece now. We are not going to do anything else this morning until you do this.”

And we didn’t.

It was not pleasant. There were tears and shouting and slamming of doors. But hopefully I introduced the idea that procrastination is not a recipe for success. You were afraid of starting the piece because it was the first one in the new book that doesn’t have pictures and it looks very advanced. But you did it and by the end of the fireworks you declared it, “one of my favorites, Momma!” Such a good lesson for life. Face your fears, dive in now, that is all we have.

So here we are beloveds, two time lessons 1) budget for the unexpected and 2) know that this moment is all that exists - pushing off unpleasant or scary things till later means they just grow in weight and heft - don’t let that inertia happen. Make that phone call, break up with that person, quit your job, speak your truth, don’t delay - the time is now and now is the time.

I love love love love you. Now and always. A big series of now-ses. Hehe.