Letter to my Children: Time Apart

Dearest Beloveds,

“Momma, can we go and play in the snow?”

Ohhhh, I can barely move. “Of course.” I looked over at your father. “Babe, can you be in charge of getting the children dressed for snowplay?”

“They don’t need help.” A huge grin cracked your father’s face. “They can do it all by themselves.”

Oh Thank GOD. “Mimi is the best. Thank God for grandmothers.”

I was just back from my bone marrow transplant and barely able to dress myself. You two being able to dress yourselves to play outside was a huge gift. Gone forever was the hand-holding, the cajoling, the hide-and-seek, the reminders. As I listened - from a different room - to you two getting dressed - I realized I had been coddling you. That was two years ago.

Bean, by your age, I was taking public transport home everyday from school across town. Bus, Metro, Bus. One day I couldn’t find my Metro Card, burst into tears on the first bus, and a kind person gave me a dollar so I could get home.

Dragon, by your age, my friends and I were walking home from school by ourselves, riding our bicycles on city streets, and negotiating the purchase of candy at the corner store. A 12 pack of Now ‘n Laters was 25 cents at Sam’s - and I would often finish the whole pack by the time I got home.

Living where we do you are not able to interact with life beyond the home and strangers as much as I did at your age. According to Michael Thompson PhD, “as long as a parent is standing by watching, the child is going to interpret his or her experiences through the parents’ reactions.” I have been chewing on this sentence over and over and OVER again. Because for your mother, that dynamic really struck a cord.

So, the mudroom is filled with dribs and drabs of camp items needing nametags. The fleece pants will double as sweatpants. The towels will double for showers and lake swimming. Shiny new hiking boots stand tall and proud.

Let’s see what kind of experiences you can have without your parents watching my beloveds.

It is a beautiful world out there, full of helpers, kindness and love. And yes, there is the deceit and heartbreak and pain and fear too. Both And.

I know you can do it.

And it is still a beautiful world. The Good made it so.

I love you.

Have fun.