Letter to my children: On deep breathing (how consciousness is really listening to the Voice of Love)
/My dearest Beloveds,
First let me say this. It makes your Momma very happy when the fingers pointing the moon are pointing to the same moon. Moreover, the fingers are in agreement as to the best path to the moon. What do I mean by that?
I mean that the same lessons your Momma learned in Conscious Discipline match what I am learning meditating with Joe Dispenza, practicing Kundalini, listening to Rob Wergin’s latest Divine Transmission Calls, and reading Megghan Watterson’s Mary Magdalene Revealed. All of these threads in your Momma’s life are teaching me the same thing with differing nuances and details - as though each of them is coloring the same picture blindly and yet the masterpiece emerges - all colors and edges intact without a muddy mess anywhere.
Another way to say this is that all of them are pointing to the same truth - that Love, Goodness, the Divine - rest inside our heart. Speaking and acting from that space changes the interaction and changes the world.
Let me start this conversation by unpacking Conscious Discipline (CD) a bit for the two of you. I wrote 3 years ago about CD’s founder, Dr. Bailey describing, “the vital importance of remaining as conscious as you can as a parent. She describes your brain, during moments of stress, no longer functioning from the frontal cortex, but going back to the mid brain or the reptile brain. When the higher functioning shunts decisions back you “put in a CD-Rom” (love that she uses that term) you are just saying the script that you have inherited from before. It may not even be your before, it could be your parents before or their parents before.”*
Given what I have been learning this past month with Dr. Joe, Rob, and Megghan - I went back to the Conscious Discipline website to see if I am missing anything else to share. I find their Vision:
Our Vision is an interconnected world of conscious adults capable of responding instead of reacting to conflict, creating safe homes, safe schools and a safe planet.
Responding instead of reacting. Children! RESPONDING instead of REACTING!! This word choice for your, at times very, choleric mother is so huge. Like a signpost to a road that starts out bumpy and then the more you travel becomes worn and smooth and somewhat easier.
Easier - but not automatic. That is where I often find myself - remembering the signposts after I have already sped past the turnoff and am careening down the highway of unreasonable Rage. That when both of you are asking for something at the same time, or faking tears about how much you hate practicing the piano, or hitting me instead of eating the four bites of salad before having dessert (just to pull up examples from the last three days) - my first reaction is a tightening, an irrational snarky terrible feeling of wanting to throw, hit, punch, pummel, destroy.
Sometimes I can catch myself before I open my mouth - but sometimes I cannot. I am already hurtling down the highway of Rage and Snark - convertible Porsche hugging curves with the music blaring. At which point - when I slow down later it is time for the Ho’oponopono, “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” And Momma apologizes for losing my cool.
If I can be aware of my reaction before I react - than I can use my brain, the good old frontal cortex, to respond. Respond with what I know is best for you, for me, for all of us. Use my brain to consciously choose how I will respond to asking the same question four times to a small person who seems intent of ignoring me (for example, smile). Dr. Bailey says to take 3 belly breaths.
Three belly breaths are what Rob Wergin talks about in his November Transmission call. Three belly breaths to actively choose to let go of the feelings of unworthiness, fear, or lack. A breath to pause. The second breath to observe my body, my feelings and send my consciousness to my heart. The third breath to dive into my heart and act from that expanded glorious space of patience and peace.
Those three belly breaths change your Momma’s physiology. My brain leaves the fast-track reptilian reaction highway and heads back to the bumpy road of listening to my heart and remembering my personal Vision. My personal Vision to live centered in Love, listening to my heart, not listening to the doubts and fears of the past.
As I was in the middle of writing this the Universe sent me an opportunity to teach you the hand position to help explain it. It is not a flattering story to your Momma - but it is the truth.
It was schooltime. Morning sun is streaming into the playroom. Bean, you are sitting at the desk in front of a blank page of your Main Lesson Book.
“Momma, no. Two sentences.”
“Dearest, three sentences. And I wouldn’t worry about how many sentences until you figure out what you want to say. What would you like to say about the Paddy Muskrat story we read last night?”
“Nothing.'“
I felt myself get hot and flushed. I took a breath, settling into my chair. I took another breath and another.
“Momma stop breathing.”
I took another breath.
“You just spent 3 minutes retelling me the story from last night. That is so amazing. Now we need to turn all of those good words into a summary - we need to shorten them into a few sentences.”
“Only two sentences.” Your voice was flat and hard and you look away from me. On the table was a plastic windup toy from the Advent Calendar. You picked it up and started fiddling with it.
I took a breath and then another. “Bean, please focus. Where should we begin?”
“I don’t know.” You started winding up the toy.
And I snapped. Without any conscious thought I grabbed the toy from your hand and threw it against the wall. Immediately you started screaming and crying.
Then the Dragon came up from downstairs and started yelling and screaming at me too because I had upset you so much.
“Momma!!! STOP LAUGHING! You made the Bean so upset! I am going to KICK you!”
“Dragon, you may not kick me. And I am so so sorry. I know my laughing might be annoying. I am laughing because I am trying so hard to stay conscious and I literally blacked out when I threw that toy.”
“MOMMA! AHHHHHH!”
“I know it is annoying when someone is laughing when you are yelling at them. I am really sorry.”
Eventually tears slowed and equilibrium was restored. After we reset with a blood sugar infusion I taught you two the hand position of what happened to me. A closed fist with the thumb tucked beneath shows the frontile lobe (the fingers) covering up the reptile brain. When I blew my top off the fingers go straight up and the thumb (the reptile brain) is in charge of the thinking (or not thinking, rather).
I am sure, as a human being, I will have another opportunity to demonstrate what it looks like when one blows one’s top. Ideally the times between will be longer and longer. And ideally I am also teaching you two emotional intelligence as I muddle through all of this. You may not understand now why sometimes I stop in the middle of a conversation and take a few breaths before I respond - but hopefully the more I practice this the more all of us will find this easier.
I certainly hope so - because I think this is the cruz of life. Listening and responding the Voice of Love within us - in all situations and asking forgiveness (of self and others) when we forget.
I love love love you both so much. Thank you for helping me exercise these hugely important lessons.
*Quoting myself feels very metta - and wonderful.
