On This Miraculous Planet, On Real Food, On Union with all that is
I know this sounds naive, but I have never stood next to a cow in the silence of a quiet field and listened to it tear up grass and chew. My first thought was, "that sounds like a wheatgrass machine," my second thought was, "maybe we should give nature first dibs on sounds - a wheatgrass machine sounds like a cow."
Read MoreThank you so much Cindy for your great work! Thank you Universe for Hay House and Balboa Press! There are two sides to every (success) story. - I am featured on Balboa's Writer Wisdom page, totally awesome!
Read MoreSo yesterday I started cycle 3 of hopefully 8 cycles (8 cycles of what, you ask? read all about it here!) - a full body hyperthermia where I SWEAT like a big sweating sweaty sweat person (according to the nurse I was "schwimmen en de table", love it!).
Today I walked my husband up to the top of the hill to catch the train back to the station to catch a plane so he could take a bus to take a train to take a taxi to get in the car to drive home (whew, and yes it was a LOT easier to get home from DTW).
Before I started my infusion for day 2 of chemo I walked around the park and took pictures of the sculptures...and I want to share because they are beautiful!
I also want to share a bit of where the money is going for all of you who have SO generously given. Here is a small breakdown of costs (200€ for the daily local hyperthermia, 2600€ for the once a fortnight full body hyperthermia, 1800€ for the chemotherapy I purchase every two weeks, 16.50€ for beautiful food every day at the clinic, 45€ a day for the infusions I receive, etc etc)...So far the Universe has sent along about $11,200 - THANK YOU SO MUCH!
It is really nice to pay for something and feel as though there are all of these angels surrounding me and paying with me. It feels as though I am part of a big beautiful world - which I AM!
In addition to supporting the German economy, what am I doing here, you may ask? Well - I am studying A Course in Miracles - which is blowing my mind in how it looks at the ego and God and all of that good stuff.
I am continuing to work with Real Time Farms (albiet in an abbreviated fashion).
I am making new friends and learning a small bit of German. Genau!
Check out this great article from Amy Bell - this amazing world of technology means that I was able to talk to her in Germany last week via my computer. Thank you Amy! ANN ARBOR: Former resident featured on "The Doctors" for her 'mind over approach' to Hodgkins Lymphoma
Today about to head in for my day 8 of infusion goodness from the "red couch" waiting area - one of the residents at the clinic told me that his sister lives in Ann Arbor, saw this article, and asked him about it!
Life is AMAZING!
Yesterday morning I woke up, gave myself a skin brush, meditated (thank you Transcendental Meditation!), and then walked to the clinic for my local hyperthermia.
Every day (except for holidays and Sundays) I lay on a water bed underneath a dessert plate sized arm with a water balloon underneath it. While I am on the table I receive vitamins, homeopathic detoxes, or homeopathic support in the form of infusions through my port (which is a titanium disk under my right clavicle).
I listen to Amma's Bhajans, Dr. Carl Simonton's Visualizations, the Rose Ensemble, Hildegard von Bingen, the Bhavagad Gita, and Krishna Dass on my ipod and I let it play on shuffle as I visualize the heat doing all sort of good things...
(and now I will take a break to explain what hyperthermia does to cells courtesy of my friend BH who has a PhD in this good stuff)
"cancer cells live in a low oxygen (hypoxic) and acidic environment and heat treatment of cells that live in that environment is cytotoxic. There are also other effects such as heat-induced alterations of the tumor microenvironment and synergism of heat in conjunction with chemotherapy (and radiation, but you aren't having that treatment). It is thought that there is induction of heat-shock proteins (HSP) which help to regulate apoptosis (i.e. cell death - in cancer cells, apoptosis doesn't occur)."
(and this is more research about hyperthermia and chemo for those of you who like data)
"There are a number of German clinics, such as those operated by Dr Wolf in Hanover or by Drs Herzog (this is where I am!) and Douwes, that practice the use of hyperthermia in combination with more ´orthodox´ therapies.
The use of hyperthermia with chemotherapy, according to one report in the Lancet, seems to significantly increase 5-year survival rates and chemotherapy success. Another report in the Lancet reviewed various studies in USA and Europe and reported that response rates for chemo and hyperthermia combined are 70%, whilst hyperthermia alone gives a response rate of 15%, chemotherapy can give results of 5 - 60 per cent depending upon the drug, and radiotherapy alone about 35%. Hyperthermia also appears to allow very high doses of chemotherapy to be administered more successfully and sometimes without significant side-effects.What seems to be the case is that hyperthermia overcomes tumor resistance to chemo and radiation; that it can help the performance of some chemo agents and that it helps destroy cancer cells in especially resistant phases of cell division."
There you go, more information about hyperthermia than you may ever have wanted to know.
So after my 60 minutes on the water bed of hyperthermia, I went directly into the Magnetic Field Therapy which is supposed to innervate one's mitochondria and generally be a good thing. While I was there I read my lesson in A Course in Miracles, which I am LOVING. I also took the Procarbazin and the Prednison because I was day 4 of my second cycle of BEACOPP.
(once again, an opportunity to take a break)
When we got here, we were thinking that it would be a 3 week stint with some low dose chemo because that is what I had read that one could do with hyperthermia. But when we spoke to the MD he offered us a choice between palliative and ameliorative - and we choose to go with ameliorative. Here is a quote from my beloved husband explaining this to his family.
"The main decision was if we should try full chemotherapy with the goal of eradictation of the recurrent Hodgkins or treat more for debulking/palliation while taking less risk of encountering toxicity. Her limited symptoms and focused areas of disease (R arm pit, near her liver, and in her lower mid-chest) make treating to eliminate very tempting. Also her labs are the best they have looked in years.
We have opted to start down the road of more intensive treatment with a full dose regimen of BEACOPP chemotherapy. The main question will be if her bone marrow can tolerate the medicine - her lab tests and how she feels will let us know in the weeks to come."
So what is modified BEACOPP and what does this mean? (note I am reading from a page written in German).
What in the world is involved with a Full Body Hyperthermia? Well, this is the COOLEST thing ever! First of all - the night before and that morning I get a LOT of liquid because they want to give you a real fever with lots of good sweating. You walk to the basement of the clinic and get onto a thin hammock between two sets of very big lights. You strip down, get onto the hammock and within 5 minutes are zonked out on anethesia and lose 4 hours of your life. During the first two hours they gradually raise your temperature until you get nice and hot (105 is where I have landed the first two times, ideally you can get to 106, but I am a lady who sweats - thank you crew and Bikram).
Once you get as hot as you can, you are kept at the temperature for an hour - while they monitor your blood acidity level, your liquid level (never again will I tease my husband about wanting a catheter while watching TV), and your temp. Then they cool you off, wrap you in a blanket, and off you go to pass out in your room for the rest of the day.
It is, without a doubt the best chemotherapy experience I have EVER had. No nausea, no wooziness, no feeling that my arm has been stung by a million bees. I have a good sweat, go to bed, have a good appetite for dinner, and then sleep through the night. Absolutely amazing.
I had thought that I would not be allowed to do the full body more than once a month, but so far I am able to handle it every 2 weeks - which is one of the many reasons that I am so excited to be here and receive the chemotherapy here.
(okay, back to my day)
Breakfast of beautiful fruit (I have eaten more kiwi in the past 3 weeks than I have EVER eaten in my life), a walk to Nidda for apothecary supplies and a visit to the health food store for no sugar Almond Butter, lunch, emails/Real Time Farms work, a walk around the inhalatorium, a drink from the LithiumQuelle, afternoon meditation, dinner, and now this missive.
(the almost final break! to talk about Bad Salzhausen)
Bad Salzhausen has been a mineral spa village for over 150 years (they used to make salt here from the mineral water). As such, there are several fountains with water one can drink from, a thermal bath area where you can bathe in the water (and a sauna area where we learned that bathing suits are not encouraged), and an inhalatorium where you can breathe the salt water brine. So everyday I drink the Lithium Wasser (because it is supposed to help with the White Blood Cells, and what is FASCINATING is that when I got here it was the saltiest/rustiest thing ever - since I have started chemotherapy - it just tastes like water) and I walk 10 times around the Inhalatorium.
So far the Universe has sent us about $6000 towards being here. I am so so grateful to everyone who has helped out. Thank you thank you thank you!
(the final break)
So what is the plan?It totally depends on my blood counts and what makes sense - at the moment I am here and I don't see myself getting on a plane anytime soon.
Hugs and love, Corinna
Specifically, why I am in Bad Salzhausen undergoing chemotherapy where I am going to lose my hair again? Because I can walk around the inhalatorium, drink from the lithiumquelle, make myself fresh squeezed juice before every meal, visualize healing rays of light and switches turning off oncogenes as I feel the heat from the local hyperthermia on my skin and in my bones. Because I told Dr. Herzog that I wanted to be done with this and be healed - that my doing alternatives was not enough to kick this and that we are surrendering to the Universe that this is where I am supposed to be.
My meditation today for the Course in Miracles is, "God's Will for me is perfect happiness," and that I am worthy of asking for help.
I have been told that I am not very good at asking for help for myself - which I think has something to do with a foolish idea that I am not WORTHY of such help/such asking/etc. So that stops now. As such, I have set up a widget so that if you want to contribute financially to this quest of mine, you can. (look right)
If I were to do all treatments in Germany the full cost would be about $125,000-$150,000. (Just to give you some perameters).
Given the whole kerfuffle of money making people insane, etc. I appreciate your understanding and thank you for your support.
This is from late October last year and life is now organized, so now you can watch me give a reading from my book! lalala!
Screen shot 2012-01-31 at 8.59.47 AM
Thank you so much Universe, thank you Joni, Samantha, and Carina at the The Doctors and for everyone who made me feel like a princess through out the entire process! Here is the link to the video of me talking! Whooppee!!!
They dubbed me "Cancer Survivor & Eternal Optimist" LOVE LOVE it!!
(Note… as I clean up this link I am noticing the video is off the web - a good lesson for me to capture such things myself… glad I have a screenshot at least)
Thursday night I arrived to LAX at 11ish PM - at 3pm the next day I flew back to NYC with shellack on my face and Farrah Fawcett hair. I signed a release form that I would not talk about what happened to me until the piece airs. I will not talk about having a dressing room or being treated like a princess or sweating in a silk jewel toned shirt. I will not talk about the beautiful voice of "What if" that wonders what I would have said if I had not been so excited - or whether I even really remember what I said at all.
Hopefully it will air soon, and this mystery will disappear. Cheers to sharing and cheers to dreaming of sausage!
It was an amazing week and I am SO grateful for the opportunity. Thank you Universe!
Growing up in DC and heading to Chinatown for Dim Sum Sunday Brunch, we would invariably have the menu in front of us that listed the different animals of the Chinese Zodiac. I am the Year of the Dragon, specifically the Fire Dragon (according to Wikipedia). The year of the Dragon is the only year that has a legendary animal (instead of a rabbit, or a dog). The Year of the Dragon starts January 23rd, 2012.
and here is the description of those of us lucky enough to be born in this year (also courtesy or Wikipedia)
Dragon — é¾ / é¾™ (è¾°) (Yang, 1st Trine, Fixed Element Wood): Magnanimous, stately, vigorous, strong, self-assured, proud, noble, direct, dignified, eccentric, intellectual, fiery, passionate, decisive, pioneering, artistic, generous, loyal. Can be tactless, arrogant, imperious, tyrannical, demanding, intolerant, dogmatic, violent, impetuous, brash.
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This description of me - is, as I write with both dignity and strength - bang on (and who knows if that is the chicken or the egg on that one). Ah well...
The other part of this Year of the Dragon shenigans that I love is that my MOTHER is also born in the year of the Dragon and so was my paternal grandfather. And my father loves dragons - good thing too, because he ended up with two of them.
Happy New Year! Cheers to Dragons and Dragon Doings!
I know that sounds a bit crazy, but that is how I feel. I just returned from my second retreat with her and I seriously feel as though my heart has expanded in my chest. It has gotten bigger. and yes - the retreat was filled with miracles, and stretchings of my comfort zone, and the ability for me to share my story with those who needed it, and real conversations, and love, and laughter, and chanting, and mantras, and meditations, and GREAT food, and hugs!!!
Om Namah Shivaya
Today is my birthday. Chronologically, I am 35 years old. 5 years ago I had chemotherapy for my birthday. Between that and my husband's work schedule I feel as though holidays and I have broken up (that is the only way I can describe this feeling).
I try to live that everyday is special, everyday is a gift, everyday I am grateful for being alive, everyday I try to tell my friends they are important to me, that I love them, that life is wiggly and brighter with them in my life.
So do I still feel the same glow I remember feeling on my birthday, yes. But I am trying to cultivate that glow all of the time.
Hence, happy birthday to us all!
My life vision is to love, be curious, identify my Cranky Monster, and be brave enough to speak from and for The Good.
Click here for more about me.
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