A day in the life of Bad Salzhausen (and what is the plan?)

Yesterday morning I woke up, gave myself a skin brush, meditated (thank you Transcendental Meditation!), and then walked to the clinic for my local hyperthermia.

Every day (except for holidays and Sundays) I lay on a water bed underneath a dessert plate sized arm with a water balloon underneath it. While I am on the table I receive vitamins, homeopathic detoxes, or homeopathic support in the form of infusions through my port (which is a titanium disk under my right clavicle).

I listen to Amma's Bhajans, Dr. Carl Simonton's Visualizations, the Rose Ensemble, Hildegard von Bingen, the Bhavagad Gita, and Krishna Dass on my ipod and I let it play on shuffle as I visualize the heat doing all sort of good things...

(and now I will take a break to explain what hyperthermia does to cells courtesy of my friend BH who has a PhD in this good stuff)

"cancer cells live in a low oxygen (hypoxic) and acidic environment and heat treatment of cells that live in that environment is cytotoxic. There are also other effects such as heat-induced alterations of the tumor microenvironment and synergism of heat in conjunction with chemotherapy (and radiation, but you aren't having that treatment). It is thought that there is induction of heat-shock proteins (HSP) which help to regulate apoptosis (i.e. cell death - in cancer cells, apoptosis doesn't occur)."

(and this is more research about hyperthermia and chemo for those of you who like data)

"There are a number of German clinics, such as those operated by Dr Wolf in Hanover or by Drs Herzog (this is where I am!) and Douwes, that practice the use of hyperthermia in combination with more ´orthodox´ therapies.

The use of hyperthermia with chemotherapy, according to one report in the Lancet, seems to significantly increase 5-year survival rates and chemotherapy success. Another report in the Lancet reviewed various studies in USA and Europe and reported that response rates for chemo and hyperthermia combined are 70%, whilst hyperthermia alone gives a response rate of 15%, chemotherapy can give results of 5 - 60 per cent depending upon the drug, and radiotherapy alone about 35%. Hyperthermia also appears to allow very high doses of chemotherapy to be administered more successfully and sometimes without significant side-effects.What seems to be the case is that hyperthermia overcomes tumor resistance to chemo and radiation; that it can help the performance of some chemo agents and that it helps destroy cancer cells in especially resistant phases of cell division."

There you go, more information about hyperthermia than you may ever have wanted to know.

So after my 60 minutes on the water bed of hyperthermia, I went directly into the Magnetic Field Therapy which is supposed to innervate one's mitochondria and generally be a good thing. While I was there I read my lesson in A Course in Miracles, which I am LOVING. I also took the Procarbazin and the Prednison because I was day 4 of my second cycle of BEACOPP.

(once again, an opportunity to take a break)

When we got here, we were thinking that it would be a 3 week stint with some low dose chemo because that is what I had read that one could do with hyperthermia. But when we spoke to the MD he offered us a choice between palliative and ameliorative - and we choose to go with ameliorative. Here is a quote from my beloved husband explaining this to his family.

"The main decision was if we should try full chemotherapy with the goal of eradictation of the recurrent Hodgkins or treat more for debulking/palliation while taking less risk of encountering toxicity.  Her limited symptoms and focused areas of disease (R arm pit, near her liver, and in her lower mid-chest) make treating to eliminate very tempting.  Also her labs are the best they have looked in years.

We have opted to start down the road of more intensive treatment with a full dose regimen of BEACOPP chemotherapy. The main question will be if her bone marrow can tolerate the medicine - her lab tests and how she feels will let us know in the weeks to come."

So what is modified BEACOPP and what does this mean? (note I am reading from a page written in German).

• Day 1 - full body hyperthermia with Cyclophosphamid, Adriamycin, Etoposid (plus TONS of other goodies infused), oral Procarbazin
• Day 2 - local hyperthermia with Etoposid, oral Procarbazin, oral Predisone
• Days 3 through 7 - local hyperthermia with oral Procarbazin and oral Predisone (with infused homeopathics to help and amino acids for energy)
• Day 8 - local hyperthermia with Vincristin (with infused homeopathics to help and amino acids for energy) - (we decided not to do Bleomycin, because I had that one before and I had lung issues)
• Days 9-14 - local hyperthermia, Vitamins, homeopathic detox, etc (this was when I was sleepy for the first run through, will see how the 2nd cycle goes)
• Day 14 - depending on my White Blood Counts, Red Blood Counts, platelets etc - we can do the whole thing again
• Rinse, repeat 6-8 times depending on how my body reacts (read 3-4 months)

What in the world is involved with a Full Body Hyperthermia? Well, this is the COOLEST thing ever! First of all - the night before and that morning I get a LOT of liquid because they want to give you a real fever with lots of good sweating. You walk to the basement of the clinic and get onto a thin hammock between two sets of very big lights. You strip down, get onto the hammock and within 5 minutes are zonked out on anethesia and lose 4 hours of your life. During the first two hours they gradually raise your temperature until you get nice and hot (105 is where I have landed the first two times, ideally you can get to 106, but I am a lady who sweats - thank you crew and Bikram).

Once you get as hot as you can, you are kept at the temperature for an hour - while they monitor your blood acidity level, your liquid level (never again will I tease my husband about wanting a catheter while watching TV), and your temp. Then they cool you off, wrap you in a blanket, and off you go to pass out in your room for the rest of the day.

It is, without a doubt the best chemotherapy experience I have EVER had. No nausea, no wooziness, no feeling that my arm has been stung by a million bees. I have a good sweat, go to bed, have a good appetite for dinner, and then sleep through the night. Absolutely amazing.

I had thought that I would not be allowed to do the full body more than once a month, but so far I am able to handle it every 2 weeks - which is one of the many reasons that I am so excited to be here and receive the chemotherapy here.

(okay, back to my day)

Breakfast of beautiful fruit (I have eaten more kiwi in the past 3 weeks than I have EVER eaten in my life), a walk to Nidda for apothecary supplies and a visit to the health food store for no sugar Almond Butter, lunch, emails/Real Time Farms work, a walk around the inhalatorium, a drink from the LithiumQuelle, afternoon meditation, dinner, and now this missive.

(the almost final break! to talk about Bad Salzhausen)

Bad Salzhausen has been a mineral spa village for over 150 years (they used to make salt here from the mineral water). As such, there are several fountains with water one can drink from, a thermal bath area where you can bathe in the water (and a sauna area where we learned that bathing suits are not encouraged), and an inhalatorium where you can breathe the salt water brine. So everyday I drink the Lithium Wasser (because it is supposed to help with the White Blood Cells, and what is FASCINATING is that when I got here it was the saltiest/rustiest thing ever - since I have started chemotherapy - it just tastes like water) and I walk 10 times around the Inhalatorium.

So far the Universe has sent us about $6000 towards being here. I am so so grateful to everyone who has helped out. Thank you thank you thank you!

(the final break)

So what is the plan?It totally depends on my blood counts and what makes sense - at the moment I am here and I don't see myself getting on a plane anytime soon.

Hugs and love, Corinna

Why I am in Germany? (and yes please, I am asking for help)

Specifically, why I am in Bad Salzhausen undergoing chemotherapy where I am going to lose my hair again? Because I can walk around the inhalatorium, drink from the lithiumquelle, make myself fresh squeezed juice before every meal, visualize healing rays of light and switches turning off oncogenes as I feel the heat from the local hyperthermia on my skin and in my bones. Because I told Dr. Herzog that I wanted to be done with this and be healed - that my doing alternatives was not enough to kick this and that we are surrendering to the Universe that this is where I am supposed to be.

My meditation today for the Course in Miracles is, "God's Will for me is perfect happiness," and that I am worthy of asking for help.

I have been told that I am not very good at asking for help for myself - which I think has something to do with a foolish idea that I am not WORTHY of such help/such asking/etc. So that stops now. As such, I have set up a widget so that if you want to contribute financially to this quest of mine, you can. (look right)

If I were to do all treatments in Germany the full cost would be about $125,000-$150,000. (Just to give you some perameters).

Given the whole kerfuffle of money making people insane, etc. I appreciate your understanding and thank you for your support.

I give a book reading from...my book!

This is from late October last year and life is now organized, so now you can watch me give a reading from my book! lalala!

Watch me on The Doctors talk about Mind over Matter (and my book!)

Screen shot 2012-01-31 at 8.59.47 AM

Thank you so much Universe, thank you Joni, Samantha, and Carina at the The Doctors and for everyone who made me feel like a princess through out the entire process! Here is the link to the video of me talking! Whooppee!!!

They dubbed me "Cancer Survivor & Eternal Optimist" LOVE LOVE it!!

(Note… as I clean up this link I am noticing the video is off the web - a good lesson for me to capture such things myself… glad I have a screenshot at least)

I signed a release to fly from LAX with (beautiful) shellack on my face

Thursday night I arrived to LAX at 11ish PM - at 3pm the next day I flew back to NYC with shellack on my face and Farrah Fawcett hair. I signed a release form that I would not talk about what happened to me until the piece airs. I will not talk about having a dressing room or being treated like a princess or sweating in a silk jewel toned shirt. I will not talk about the beautiful voice of "What if" that wonders what I would have said if I had not been so excited - or whether I even really remember what I said at all.

Hopefully it will air soon, and this mystery will disappear. Cheers to sharing and cheers to dreaming of sausage!

It was an amazing week and I am SO grateful for the opportunity. Thank you Universe!

Happy New Year! (to the Dragon and her Doings!)

Growing up in DC and heading to Chinatown for Dim Sum Sunday Brunch, we would invariably have the menu in front of us that listed the different animals of the Chinese Zodiac. I am the Year of the Dragon, specifically the Fire Dragon (according to Wikipedia). The year of the Dragon is the only year that has a legendary animal (instead of a rabbit, or a dog). The Year of the Dragon starts January 23rd, 2012.

and here is the description of those of us lucky enough to be born in this year (also courtesy or Wikipedia)

Dragon — 龍 / é¾™ (è¾°) (Yang, 1st Trine, Fixed Element Wood): Magnanimous, stately, vigorous, strong, self-assured, proud, noble, direct, dignified, eccentric, intellectual, fiery, passionate, decisive, pioneering, artistic, generous, loyal. Can be tactless, arrogant, imperious, tyrannical, demanding, intolerant, dogmatic, violent, impetuous, brash.

------

This description of me - is, as I write with both dignity and strength - bang on (and who knows if that is the chicken or the egg on that one). Ah well...

The other part of this Year of the Dragon shenigans that I love is that my MOTHER is also born in the year of the Dragon and so was my paternal grandfather. And my father loves dragons - good thing too, because he ended up with two of them.

Happy New Year! Cheers to Dragons and Dragon Doings!

Thank you Amma for expanding my heart!

I know that sounds a bit crazy, but that is how I feel. I just returned from my second retreat with her and I seriously feel as though my heart has expanded in my chest. It has gotten bigger. and yes - the retreat was filled with miracles, and stretchings of my comfort zone, and the ability for me to share my story with those who needed it, and real conversations, and love, and laughter, and chanting, and mantras, and meditations, and GREAT food, and hugs!!!

Om Namah Shivaya

Happy Birthday to us all!

Today is my birthday. Chronologically, I am 35 years old. 5 years ago I had chemotherapy for my birthday. Between that and my husband's work schedule I feel as though holidays and I have broken up (that is the only way I can describe this feeling). I try to live that everyday is special, everyday is a gift, everyday I am grateful for being alive, everyday I try to tell my friends they are important to me, that I love them, that life is wiggly and brighter with them in my life.

So do I still feel the same glow I remember feeling on my birthday, yes. But I am trying to cultivate that glow all of the time.

Hence, happy birthday to us all!

A video of me talking about I Dreamt of Sausage

I wrote this in June and finally taped it this past weekend in Michigan! Thank you CR for all of your great help!

You can change what students eat! Celebrate the first National Farm to School Month!

(In the interests of being a good lesson planner, I am going to outline the format of this story so you know what to expect. First I am going to share my personal experiences teaching in a school, then I am going to talk about our first National Farm to School Month, then I am going to talk about what Real Time Farms is doing to help. Here goes!)

My first job was teaching in a Washington DC charter school. By my second year, after the patina of terror and bewilderment wore off, I was able to look up from my classroom (which hadn't had a fight in months, thank you very much) and begin to pay attention to other things - most notably, the school "food."

We ate in the biggest space in the school, the auditorium, on long tables with benches that could be folded in half and shoved onto one side for large meetings (when the 320 students would sit on the floor). We did not have a kitchen. The food arrived in big tubs, warmed in metal closets on wheels, served onto paper plates that would be thrown away at the end of breakfast and lunch. I had voted to join the 80% of our students on the subsidized federal meal plan by paying very little (perhaps $60/month?) to eat the same food.

Lunch varied: macaroni and cheese, meat and rice, meat and vegetables, etc. After the first two weeks of serving myself two chunks of nameless meat covered in brown sauce from one tub and perfect orange and white vegetable cubes from another I asked to be given the vegetarian option. Tofu replaced the nameless meat, same sauce. It was edible, mostly monochromatic; none of it was inspiring.

My scalding food memory is wandering among the tables and seeing two bags in front of a 6^th grader. One was a bountiful bag of white cheerful marshmallows and one was a bag of glowing orange Cheetos. "What is this?"

"My lunch. Food today is gross."

"Fair enough, but you can't eat this. You are having my sandwich." I marched up to the teacher table, grabbed my sandwich - a testament to my second year energy: whole grain bread, almond butter, and boysenberry jam. I walked over and handed it to the child. "You can't eat those for lunch, we have a test this afternoon, how are you supposed on concentrate on sugar? I will give these back to you at the end of the day so you can take them home." I took the offending bags and marched back to the teachers' table.

A colleague leaned over, "Corinna, you are a moron. He is not going to eat your sandwich. He has never seen anything like it before. You are doing this for nothing. You can't change what he will eat. Now both of you are going to be hungry."

"I have nuts and an apple at my desk," I retorted, suddenly feeling unsure and silly. Sure enough when I peered over at the tables, my sandwich sat untouched, serene in its neglected glory, taunting my idealism.

Our school was in the second story of a rented building in downtown Washington. There was no outside recess. We would take field trips to our closest playground, a 6-block walk under a highway. We had summer school, school on Saturdays, and I received a cell phone where students and parents could call me at all times.

What we did share with many other schools across the country was the "heat n serve" method of feeding our children. Cheaper to purchase warmed food and pay someone to serve from tubs and throw away paper plates and cups than to have a full kitchen. All of the headache of food preparation outsourced: no hassle over finding a vendor, purchasing delays, training chefs, dishwashers breaking, health code checks for ventilation, etc.  And besides, "you can't change what he will eat."

I am thrilled to report, as you probably well know, that in the last 10 years there has been a cosmic shift. In some areas of the country I feel one is tripping over squash vines or the latest greenhouse effort to get to the front door in time for class to begin. Whether driven by concerns about obesity rates, soda in school, or feeding gray cells - concerted efforts are being made to bring a kitchen with fresh food back into the schoolhouse.

Though often food service providers have contractual limits to how much food can be supplied by outside sources. People are working to max out and push against that 10-15% limit, bringing more farm fresh food to feed our future leaders.

This October is our first National Farm to School month - government organizations, nonprofits, chefs, and farmers are all working to highlight this important issue. Take some time to browse around the Farm to School site, it has a list of regional as well as local initiatives you can become involved in.

Do you want to donate your time? Do you feel like dressing up as a carrot and talking about the importance of soil? Do you have sunflowers you could bring in to a classroom and have the kids shuck the seeds?

Real Time Farms is working with several schools to highlight and share the stories of the farm fresh ingredients being served. The software we have been using with restaurants nationwide can easily be used with schools as well. One of our many dreams is to help consumers: parents, teachers, and students follow their food from plate to farm, tracing meals in dormatories and K-12 schools nationwide. Working with Food System Economic Partnership (FSEP), our own regional program (findable in the Farm to School database), we are using our software to highlight what the Ann Arbor Public Schools are serving in their lunch rooms. Over the past few years, FSEP and other Farm to School partners have worked hard to get the local produce of Ruhlig Farms and Horkey Brothers Farm into public school system. The program's reach has been expanding, from one local food item per week to a fresh local fruit or vegetable 3 days a week in the months of September and October. See what they are doing on Real Time Farms!

My scalding food memory will always be part of me, but I am happy to report that many people are working together to change "what he will eat." Working together, we can change what our children are eating.

Here is the post on RealTimeFarms.com

John of God at the Omega Institute

Each morning we started with the prayer of Caritas: [quote]God! Our Father, who is power and goodness, provide strength to those who experience pain and anguish. Give light to those who seek the truth! Fill the human heart with love and compassion! God! Give the traveler the star that guides, solace to those in pain, and rest to the sick and weary! Father! Give the guilty repentance, the spirit the truth! Give the children guidance and the orphans a father. Lord! Let your goodness encompass everything that You created! Clemency, my God, to those who do not know You. Hope to those in pain. Let Your Will allow the consoling spirits to spread peace, hope and faith everywhere! God! May a single ray of light, a spark of Your Divine love blaze the Earth! Let us drink from the fountain of that infinite and fruitful goodness and all tears will be dried and all pain lessened. A single heart, a single thought will rise up to You, like a cry of gratitude and love! Like Moses on the mountain, we await You with open arms. Oh Almighty! Oh Greatness! All Powerful, All Beauty! All Perfection! And we wish in some way to receive Your mercy. God! Give us the power to help progress that we may rise up to You; Give us pure charity, give us faith and reason, give us simplicity that will make our souls a mirror on which Your image should reflect! Amen.[/quote]

And then we would say the Lord's Prayer

[quote]Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done, in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. Amen.[/quote]

And then we would recite Hail Mary

[quote]Hail Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.[/quote]

I am writing these down because, except for the Lord's Prayer, I did not know the other two of them. Each of the three mornings we would have a series of welcome hellos/testimonials. Here are some of the fabulous tidbits that I jotted down.

From cheerful Norbeto, who started every talk with "Today is the best day of your life!" with a huge smile and his Brazilian accent!

[quote]Make a new way for your life. Smile more, sing more, happy more. Say this is the best day of my life! You respect your belief - your belief your life Love more We receive a body, after life we will continue as spirit as it once was. Sickness is an opportunity to understand we are spiritual beings. We came to the earth to understand we are spiritual beings. This is the greatest opportunity, loving all of divine creation from a space of humbleness. The life is very simple: what you believe is the life. It is important to talk about health and not about sickness. Between 10-11 is the "humor time" of night to sleep and 70% of us are on our computers and not getting that good "humor" sleep. There are 3 divine remedies for our health: 1) sleep from 9 pm-5 am 2) eat good food 3) life is what we perceive of it If I perceive a life of joy I become an enthusiast. Of you think you have what you need than you will have it. Repetition is important. Transform thoughts and beliefs into action. (I have joy, I have vigor.)  Change your internal dialogue. Being angry is a brief stint of insanity (when you are far from the Godlike mind). We can only take that step forward when we understand our fellow limitations of human beings. Congratulations on your existence! We are spiritual beings and we have a body. Faith is to believe what you do not see. The reward for faith is to see what you believe. We are what we think. On the mental level you can decide to laugh and smile. I give in this moment all things that upset me to God - release worries, hardships etc. And I receive from you God all that I need to say thanks to you God. Nobody can touch me unless I permit it. We achieve what we desire but we achieve much more what we are afraid of because we spend so much time talking about what we are afraid of. [/quote]

The morning of the second day Dr. Wayne Dyer spoke to us about his experience with receiving long distance surgery the previous spring after he was diagnosed with Leukemia. He speaks extremely well and I am going to seek out opportunities to hear him in the future. Dyer recited two poems. One by Samuel Taylor Coleridge and one by Tagore - the Indian Pulitzer Prize winning poet from 1927, and WOWZA.

[quote]I came out alone on my way to my tryst. But who is this that follows me in the silent dark? I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not. He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger; he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter. He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame; but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.[/quote]

Here are some of my notes from hearing Dr. Wayne Dyer speak.

[quote]EGO - Edging God Out It is in the transcending of that ego that all healing takes place. [After his stitches came out from his intervention with John of God] I see love in everything I encounter. You see with a capital S. A host to God or a hostage to our Ego [from a Course in Miracles]. [/quote]

On Tuesday I received divine intervention from the entities and I could feel it in my abdomen, neck, spleen, and liver. On Wednesday I received divine intervention from the entities and I could feel it in my heart chakra and my brain. I was in a fog until about thursday morning and I feel as though I have received surgery - that I am recovering. Stitches are coming out tonight and tomorrow and we have 34 more days of the protocol. I am so freaking grateful.

Thank you John of God for your life of service.

Thank you for those who led me to you.

Thank you for my abundant health.

The List (so the Universe knows what I want)

 

Hello Universe! Here is my list (written and refined while meditating/zoning out/drinking in the cosmic bliss of John of God). I also sculpted this in the tradition of Zingermans vision writing (it is strategically sound, documented, and I am sharing it with the world).

[unordered_list style="star"]

• Marriage - gratitude
• I Dreamt of Sausage - $$ beyond that which I have spent, interest continuing beyond this time of intense publicity.
• Real Time Farms - fervour, accolades
• Health - vibrancy, 47 on the urine test
• Balancing Elephant Farm - sustains, amuses, captivates us for years
• Rhinebeck - community of love
• Family - healthy, close

[/unordered_list]

Hello World!